{{{Sean}}} I know how you feel, man.

:: sits on the bench with Sean ::

Seriously, I feel your pain, your last post could have been written by me, with the exception of the Michigan part, but substitute any number of locations I have lived at. I know what part of my problem is. I'm very self conscious about the crutches thing. Tall/dark/handsome/strong. Ya, not so much. Short, pale, cute, sure. So that is the inner monologue deep in my psyche that makes me extra timid and shy when it comes to starting things. Plus I have no clue what to say TO get things started. So, if it makes you feel any better Sean, you are not alone. Maybe we should start a 12 step group or something. Step one, think positive of yourself. I dunno.

ION. I slept! Not as much as I wanted. Woke up with a headache. I've had a lot of them lately. I thought they might have been stress related, but mondo stress event is done now. Why today? I hope it's not a migraine type of thing my body is developing.

so maybe I just need to shut the fuck up and deal.

No, you so don't. If there's anything guaranteed to send off to a ranty place is this idea that just because by some standard we're doing okay, then we have no right to bemoan the things that bring us misery.

And Sean, this is a pretty big thing. You're abso-freakin'-lutely allowed to rail at the fates about it. For my part, and maybe this is going to sound bizarre, I admire those of you who have managed to fashion successful, independent lives. I've been with Lewis since I was twenty-one-- I almost don't know how to be an adult without him by my side. I shudder to think what might have happened to me if I hadn't met him-- I'd like to think I would have had the guts to become a normal, functioning member of society, forging my independent identity, but my family history suggests I would have been guilt-tripped into going back home, living with my mother and becoming an embittered old spinster, like scores of women in my family.

So yeah, I applaud you guys and light candles and hope fervently that you'll find the perfect someones for yourselves because you deserve them.

Okay, I'll step off my ranty-box now. Sorry.

And I hate dating/trying to find available women, like I hate job interviews - I'm not very good at it. It involves a set of skills I don't possess and haven't learned despite twenty years of my best efforts. And like job interviews, the required set of skills is not the same set of skills you will need later for the job or relationship in question.

God, just shut the fuck up, Sean.

I've never actually been on a date. The concept terrifies me.

I've been on some non-dates, and if meeting a potential future wife counts as a date, I've done that a couple times, but otherwise, I haven't really been on a date, per se.

Sean and Omnis, I totally feel ya. My advice, for what it's worth, comes from my four dateless years after my marriage broke up. I also did not know how to date, what to say, and i was in my 30s, when everyone else was already paired up. Also, I was pretty certain I was the fugliest woman on earth. That dating shit is HJARD.

My best advice is to get out of your present orbit as much as you can. Although I hate parties, i made a vow to go to every party i was invited to, whether it was a person holding it or an organization. It mostly sucked. The worst by far is one i went to with my BFF (much who is charming and MUCH prettier than me IMO), where she went home with SEVEN phone numbers from guys and I had,,,, none. But I practiced chit chat at each of them. Foolproof line: "How do you know {the Host}?" I met jason at such a party, so it was worth all the cringiness of the previous four years.

Aw, Barb. That's sweet. Thanks.

omnis, my brother. You know what stings the worst? When I see ugly dickholes with women who deserve better. Your crutches have nothing to do with the injustice of you being single.

Okay, shutting up now.

I know. The thing is, as my therapist used to tell me, it only takes one You just have to keep trying until you meet that one who DOESN'T fizzle. There wlll be a lot who will fizzle and it will hurt every time, but all that means is that they are not right for you. It's not a judgment on you at all.