Why is it any less heartfelt to give someone what they want? Does it mean I love my dad less because I ask him what he wants? I don't understand that.

Is that what you thought I meant?

Well, you said that with close friends or family they should know you well enough to be able to figure out what you want.

But, to be fair, you didn't say anything about love. I guess the ability to find a suitable gift for someone doesn't imply love, necessarily, as much as showing whether or not a person knows their loved ones well.

My family does wish lists. Given that we've got 4 birthdays spread through Dec & Jan, it seems like it'd be cruel otherwise. And we routinely berate my mom for only listing like 3 things. Not all the gifts given come from the list, but a fair number of them do.

I don't usually ask friends what they want, but I am definitely grateful if they have a wishlist on Amazon.

I guess the ability to find a suitable gift for someone doesn't imply love, necessarily, as much as showing whether or not a person knows their loved ones well.

I think it shows gift-giving ability! Of which I am not confident in mine. The closer I am to the person, the less I can think of what to give them, because all I can think of is what they already have! And none of us "need" anything!

I get really stressed out about gift-giving.

I need stuff! Like black tights, but I never get them!!!

I get really stressed out about gift-giving.

I do, too. (Uh, if my extreme defensiveness didn't already make that clear.)

Heh -- black tights aren't a present! (This is the other reason I get stressed out. So many things "aren't a present.")

I *like* giving presents. I'm awful about getting them, though.

I still haven't gotten a goat or a share of a waterbuffalo.

I don't like people to watch me open a present, because it makes me feel all self-conscious. Also, I completely freexe in those gift-giving games you play at work (like Yankee Swap or whatever).

ETA-WRT black tights-- my favorite presents, were I to choose are small practical things that I hate spending money on, but need-- this is really mostly from family. From friends I tend to appreciate almost anything, because it is nice to know they thought of me. Although I do have one friend who makes gift baskets filled with homemade soap, candy, and a bottle of wine for everyone on her list. I am allergic to the soap and my friend M.'s husband is an alcoholic, so she gives me the wine and I give her the soap. But you would think other friend would learn after awhile, especially about the alcohol!

eh I'm probably not being very articulate.

Really I know that some people prefer to be asked and some don't. I was just curious about it!

If person A asks you what you want and then gives it to you, and person B did NOT ask you what you wanted and gives you a gift they thought you would like, do you feel differently about the 2 people and/or their gifts? Like person A was just fulfilling an obligation but person B can see into the depths of your soul?

Oh my thing isn't feeling like the person asking is just fulfilling an obligation. I understand why people ask! It just makes me self conscious and mildly annoyed because there are resources (like I said, asking my close friends).

But really has no bearing on the amount of gratitude I have for any gift given. And absolutely has no bearing on the love I have for the person asking or how much I think they love me!

I'm not judging anyone on their style of gifting! At all. I was just curious!

We exchange lists in my extended family for xmas gift exchange. I have no problem with that. We're pretty close but I wouldn't expect, say, my cousin's wife (if she's my designated gift-er) to know me as well as my aunt who I see and talk to all the time.

Heh -- black tights aren't a present!

ooh I wonder if Sock Dreams does gift cards? See, I'd LOVE that as a gift!