It's cool, but I can't get away with doing the same in return and they are hard to shop for.

So do you ask them for a list?

I'm honestly very curious about this, because my family has always done lists, and no one has ever viewed it as "Since Dad gave me a list of what he wants, now it's an obligation and not an actual heartfelt gift."

Why is it any less heartfelt to give someone what they want? Does it mean I love my dad less because I ask him what he wants? I don't understand that.

I meant people who dislike being asked what they want, because that means the other person doesn't know you well enough to find a gift that suits you to a T and captures the essence of your relationship and commemorates whatever holiday it also happens to be.

Well I don't know anybody who'd describe themselves this way and I really don't think that's what I mean! I hope I'm not that person!

I usually tell people categories, when they ask -- I'm always happy with books, sometimes I want more jewelry, or towels, or something like that.

The people related to me are not familiar with the Amazon Wish List.

Why is it any less heartfelt to give someone what they want? Does it mean I love my dad less because I ask him what he wants? I don't understand that.

Is that what you thought I meant?

I'm really grateful for any present!

Okay, but, lisah -- you were one of the people who prefers to not be asked what you want. If person A asks you what you want and then gives it to you, and person B did NOT ask you what you wanted and gives you a gift they thought you would like, do you feel differently about the 2 people and/or their gifts? Like person A was just fulfilling an obligation but person B can see into the depths of your soul?

Because I'm starting to feel like my family is a bunch of shitheels for doing Christmas lists. Like we're all grabby-hands and utterly noncreative, neither of which is true.

Olympics - non-spoilery: this time is the first time for women's steeplechase - REALLY? Or is it just the first time for 3000m womens steeplechase? (Because it seems odd that they wouldn't have it if they have it for men.)

Hells no, Tep. Your family is no more a bunch of shitheels than mine or lisah's (or at least, I like mine a lot, and yours and lisah's have always sounded pretty damned cool from what you've said here) -- we've just all got slightly different cultures/habits/ways of doing these things, and I suspect we're each the most comfortable with our own.

I fully support the notion of telling people what you want (see also, wedding registries) and I wish my family were more behind it.

Gifts:

Some of my best gifts have come from Emmett's godmother, Karen. (She who recently dealt with breast cancer.) She got me an original piece of Lynda Barry art, a box set of rare British psych and sixties pop (Nuggets II) sent to my office, and a t-shirt for McKinley High (Freaks and Geeks). But she's known me since we were both 15 and she's just got a knack for it.

The best presents I've given were usually CARE packages rather than birthday presents or xmas gifts. And I like putting those together because it feels kind of like spending time with those people when they're far away - thinking about their taste and interests.

One package I did was sort of an international tour of SF. So I found movie magazines about Bollywood (in English - very gossipy) and sugar skulls and Lucha Libre, and slippers from Chinatown and pencil kits and Badtz Maru from Japantown. It was really fun.

The last couple gift cards or gift certificates I've wound up using on somebody else. I let JZ use my hour long massage gift certificate when she was really tense, and used a gift card at Gap to get Emmett school clothes.

But EM often gets me a big gift certificate at Amoeba and that's always fun to me. Going around buying $100 worth of stuff at Amoeba is a giddymaking feeling.

Tep- I totally wish my family made lists-- my friend Maria's family does, and although they don't always get something on the list, it gives you a good idea of what people are looking for. My mom is one of those people who thinks like your imaginary person-- she actually puts value on being able to guess what someone wants, and gets mad if you don't guess. She is also bad a guessing, so it is just a mess.