I still haven't gotten a goat or a share of a waterbuffalo.

I don't like people to watch me open a present, because it makes me feel all self-conscious. Also, I completely freexe in those gift-giving games you play at work (like Yankee Swap or whatever).

ETA-WRT black tights-- my favorite presents, were I to choose are small practical things that I hate spending money on, but need-- this is really mostly from family. From friends I tend to appreciate almost anything, because it is nice to know they thought of me. Although I do have one friend who makes gift baskets filled with homemade soap, candy, and a bottle of wine for everyone on her list. I am allergic to the soap and my friend M.'s husband is an alcoholic, so she gives me the wine and I give her the soap. But you would think other friend would learn after awhile, especially about the alcohol!

eh I'm probably not being very articulate.

Really I know that some people prefer to be asked and some don't. I was just curious about it!

If person A asks you what you want and then gives it to you, and person B did NOT ask you what you wanted and gives you a gift they thought you would like, do you feel differently about the 2 people and/or their gifts? Like person A was just fulfilling an obligation but person B can see into the depths of your soul?

Oh my thing isn't feeling like the person asking is just fulfilling an obligation. I understand why people ask! It just makes me self conscious and mildly annoyed because there are resources (like I said, asking my close friends).

But really has no bearing on the amount of gratitude I have for any gift given. And absolutely has no bearing on the love I have for the person asking or how much I think they love me!

I'm not judging anyone on their style of gifting! At all. I was just curious!

We exchange lists in my extended family for xmas gift exchange. I have no problem with that. We're pretty close but I wouldn't expect, say, my cousin's wife (if she's my designated gift-er) to know me as well as my aunt who I see and talk to all the time.

Heh -- black tights aren't a present!

ooh I wonder if Sock Dreams does gift cards? See, I'd LOVE that as a gift!

Wow, it feels like Vampire People has been out longer than a year (probably because I followed the story of its creation) and out nowhere near that long (despite getting it a day ahead of the release date thanks to Amazon). Odd, that.

Oh, and to actually answer Tep's question. I dislike the lists because it makes me feel like a personal shopper.

I don't know if it's true that it's the thought that counts, but with list giving it feels like it's the thing that counts.

With my brother, the things he's likely to get the most pleasure from are car parts. Which I know jack about. So I paypal him some money and tell him to go buy a new wazzlethrottletorque with it. He usually takes a picture, so I can say "look at the lovely wazzlethrottletorque I got you! It's even got a quizky!"

When he asks me what I'd like (he always does, he says he's a terrible gift-giver, and well...) I tell him (after I say "goat!" They don't seem to take me seriously) to send me a link for something automotive I need but know not which are legit sources and prices.

I dislike the lists because it makes me feel like a personal shopper.

See, with 7 siblings, lists were an absolute necessity in my family, so I very much like using them. There's also the problem with certain family and friends where if they don't put something on a list, I don't dare buy it for them because they'll buy it themselves ASAP (I'm thinking movies, music and books here).

GETTING the lists out of people (including myself), on the other hand, is often like pulling teeth.

David-- you are an excellent gift giver because you know people really well and are quite observant and insightful. However, some people are just not good gift givers, and they really want the list because it stresses them out to think of something,

My best presents come from my friend's brother and they are always really small but always something I really like-- Buffy or Hello Kitty-- that is also unusual. One year I got this lovely book of Hello Kitty poems from around the world, and another year a Japanese anime which he feels is a lot like Buffy, another year Hello Kitty Japanese candies. One year I got a Sam Gamgee action figure, complete with a bundle of pots! He is very frugal and I doubt his gifts ever have cost more than $10, but it is always so much fun and a little unexpected every year.

On the other hand, I just hate to see my mother stress out about my present, put a lot of energy and a lot of money into it, and almost always come up with something that is so alien to my taste that it shocks me how little she knows me. My other relatives I only see at Christmas and Thanksgiving, and they do better than she does, with less stress, it seems. But then she won't let me tell her what I want!! It is very frustrating!

I guess the ability to find a suitable gift for someone doesn't imply love, necessarily, as much as showing whether or not a person knows their loved ones well.

I get a lot of clothes from my Sister's for Xmas, that show they try real hard, and they're close to what I'll wear, but not something I will actually wear. I used to just accept them, wear them once, and put them in the giveaway pile, but now I am more honest about it.

It's not that I feel that people should read my mind, but there truly is nothing like getting a present that is a) unasked for, b) given by a loved one, c) something that clearly shows they thought about you and who you are and what you love.

The only thing better is giving a present like that.

Because I'm starting to feel like my family is a bunch of shitheels for doing Christmas lists. Like we're all grabby-hands and utterly noncreative, neither of which is true.

I don't think so, but personally, I think the fun of things like Christmas is spending time thinking about the person and figuring out what they might really like. And the triumph you feel when you know it's the most perfect thing you could have come up with and they love it.

Also, my dad used to ask for a list and I always made a really long one because I like the surprise of not knowing what I'm getting. I also make a list for my brother-in-law. Neither of these upsets me. But my fondest memories are generally things I didn't ask for.

Of course, I delight with presents and am pretty easy to please. I would never dream of exchanging something I didn't like that someone had picked out for me. My sister had a tendency to pick out very expensive things I might not choose for myself, but I'm grateful to receive them.

And a follow-up question for the people who don't like being asked what they want for a present: how do you feel about monetary gifts?

Extremely negative. But I was raised that Christmas (which is basically the only time we got presents from our parents) was a time for fun things you didn't need. So we never even got clothes, because that was something you "needed" as Jesse pointed out. So money makes no sense to me.

We only got money when my Dad needed to make up the difference between kids. (My Dad usually blew his entire December paycheck on Christmas, but he had a thing about spending the exact same amount on each child).

I don't know if it's true that it's the thought that counts, but with list giving it feels like it's the thing that counts.

Very much this. I prefer gifts to be a personal exchange between the giver and receiver.