Tep- I totally wish my family made lists-- my friend Maria's family does, and although they don't always get something on the list, it gives you a good idea of what people are looking for. My mom is one of those people who thinks like your imaginary person-- she actually puts value on being able to guess what someone wants, and gets mad if you don't guess. She is also bad a guessing, so it is just a mess.

Why is it any less heartfelt to give someone what they want? Does it mean I love my dad less because I ask him what he wants? I don't understand that.

Is that what you thought I meant?

Well, you said that with close friends or family they should know you well enough to be able to figure out what you want.

But, to be fair, you didn't say anything about love. I guess the ability to find a suitable gift for someone doesn't imply love, necessarily, as much as showing whether or not a person knows their loved ones well.

My family does wish lists. Given that we've got 4 birthdays spread through Dec & Jan, it seems like it'd be cruel otherwise. And we routinely berate my mom for only listing like 3 things. Not all the gifts given come from the list, but a fair number of them do.

I don't usually ask friends what they want, but I am definitely grateful if they have a wishlist on Amazon.

I guess the ability to find a suitable gift for someone doesn't imply love, necessarily, as much as showing whether or not a person knows their loved ones well.

I think it shows gift-giving ability! Of which I am not confident in mine. The closer I am to the person, the less I can think of what to give them, because all I can think of is what they already have! And none of us "need" anything!

I get really stressed out about gift-giving.

I need stuff! Like black tights, but I never get them!!!

I get really stressed out about gift-giving.

I do, too. (Uh, if my extreme defensiveness didn't already make that clear.)

Heh -- black tights aren't a present! (This is the other reason I get stressed out. So many things "aren't a present.")

I *like* giving presents. I'm awful about getting them, though.

I still haven't gotten a goat or a share of a waterbuffalo.

I don't like people to watch me open a present, because it makes me feel all self-conscious. Also, I completely freexe in those gift-giving games you play at work (like Yankee Swap or whatever).

ETA-WRT black tights-- my favorite presents, were I to choose are small practical things that I hate spending money on, but need-- this is really mostly from family. From friends I tend to appreciate almost anything, because it is nice to know they thought of me. Although I do have one friend who makes gift baskets filled with homemade soap, candy, and a bottle of wine for everyone on her list. I am allergic to the soap and my friend M.'s husband is an alcoholic, so she gives me the wine and I give her the soap. But you would think other friend would learn after awhile, especially about the alcohol!