Happy Birthday to Vortex!

Woo Hoo for Aims!

{{Sean}} I've pretty much been in a married state for 37 years. So many people that I love and know would be brilliant mates for some lucky person are single. It is something I find an incomprehensible mystery. Seriously, I just don't understand.

Happy birthday, Vortex!

Happy graduation day, Aims!

Happy Birthday Vortex.

Guess where I am? Yes that is right it is LAX.

Happy birthday, Vortex!

Where's Ple and Sumi?

Filly wins the Preakness! Tell me more about this Rachel Alexandra.

{{Sean}} I've pretty much been in a married state for 37 years. So many people that I love and know would be brilliant mates for some lucky person are single. It is something I find an incomprehensible mystery. Seriously, I just don't understand.

It's been hitting me pretty hard lately.

With the exception of S, I've never had any kind of long term relationship, and have spent most of my adult life single. I think I'm a pretty good catch, and that I have a lot to offer, but for the life of me I can't find an available woman who agrees with that.

I mean, if it was something other than "I just don't think about you that way," or something, I could fix that. But there's nothing I can do about the vagaries of attraction.

I've worked pretty hard these last few years at becoming successful, I don't terrify small children with appearance or anything.

And yet, all the women I know just want to be friends.

Most of my friends are in long term, committed relationships. ALL of my old Michigan friends are paired up (and in most cases, sprogged).

It's not so stressful and distracting that it's crippling my ability to function, like the misery I was going through with S did, but it leaves me feeling lonely and sad pretty much all the time.

I guess I just feel like I've gotten to a point in my life where most things I do feel a little hollow without somebody there to share it with.

But nothing's going to happen to change any of that, and I've got it better than most, so maybe I just need to shut the fuck up and deal.

{{{Sean}}} I know how you feel, man.

:: sits on the bench with Sean ::

Seriously, I feel your pain, your last post could have been written by me, with the exception of the Michigan part, but substitute any number of locations I have lived at. I know what part of my problem is. I'm very self conscious about the crutches thing. Tall/dark/handsome/strong. Ya, not so much. Short, pale, cute, sure. So that is the inner monologue deep in my psyche that makes me extra timid and shy when it comes to starting things. Plus I have no clue what to say TO get things started. So, if it makes you feel any better Sean, you are not alone. Maybe we should start a 12 step group or something. Step one, think positive of yourself. I dunno.

ION. I slept! Not as much as I wanted. Woke up with a headache. I've had a lot of them lately. I thought they might have been stress related, but mondo stress event is done now. Why today? I hope it's not a migraine type of thing my body is developing.

so maybe I just need to shut the fuck up and deal.

No, you so don't. If there's anything guaranteed to send off to a ranty place is this idea that just because by some standard we're doing okay, then we have no right to bemoan the things that bring us misery.

And Sean, this is a pretty big thing. You're abso-freakin'-lutely allowed to rail at the fates about it. For my part, and maybe this is going to sound bizarre, I admire those of you who have managed to fashion successful, independent lives. I've been with Lewis since I was twenty-one-- I almost don't know how to be an adult without him by my side. I shudder to think what might have happened to me if I hadn't met him-- I'd like to think I would have had the guts to become a normal, functioning member of society, forging my independent identity, but my family history suggests I would have been guilt-tripped into going back home, living with my mother and becoming an embittered old spinster, like scores of women in my family.

So yeah, I applaud you guys and light candles and hope fervently that you'll find the perfect someones for yourselves because you deserve them.

Okay, I'll step off my ranty-box now. Sorry.

And I hate dating/trying to find available women, like I hate job interviews - I'm not very good at it. It involves a set of skills I don't possess and haven't learned despite twenty years of my best efforts. And like job interviews, the required set of skills is not the same set of skills you will need later for the job or relationship in question.

God, just shut the fuck up, Sean.

I've never actually been on a date. The concept terrifies me.