Stefano Langone/Hello/Lionel Richie - Awww, cupcake! He’s such a cutie. Hello is an interesting pick. I am going to pretend that he’s doing it because he’s riffing off the Hello poster meme. That would only make me love him even more. And I had totally forgotten Cookie Monster sang this song, so thanks for the reminder Ry Ry. So, the plan was to take a cheesy song and make it even more cheesy and then to sing through your nose for the entire thing? Interesting choice. And JLo brings the real critique. He didn’t connect to the song. (I didn’t think he sang it particularly well myself this time) It was cheesy because it’s a cheesy song but Lionel made you believe tha the meant that cheese. Stefano was just like a lounge singer. In fact, the judges gave some of the best critique they’ve given. He’s not going anywhere because he’s adorable, but that was not his best.
Ewww. That was uncomfortable, Ryan. The thing with Gordon Ramsey hating on Mama Langone’s pasta? Badly done. And so not up to his normal standards. I’ll blame the hair.
Haley Reinhart/You Really Got a Hold on Me/Smokey Robinson – She’s singing up tempo on this song? Huh. Weird. What the hell is she wearing? Thank god they were shorts, I guess? Because I thought we were going to have a Britney beaver moment when she was coming down those stairs. Did not like the mid-tempo version of this song. She has a good voice and she was on pitch and she did some interesting things with the melody towards the end, but good gravy. And the squat potty dancing was just wrong. And the whole impression was just kind of disjointed and all over the place, but the judges weren’t wrong. Again. Her voice is a wonderous instrument and she has amazing control. The runs were pristine and the high note at the end? Forget about it. And with all that, I still didn’t enjoy much of anything about the performance. The shoes. The shoes were fierce. And I’d still rather see JonBenet Megia go home first.
The back stage interview have got to stop.
Scotty McCreery/For Once In My Life/Stevie Wonder - Eeeesh. I can’t see this ending well. And singing it slow like a ballad? Unexpected. But it works. And you know, this kid has such a throw back Nashville voice. This kid is going to be a country superstar. He made this song work. And I didn’t think he was gonna be able to do it. Respect, Scotty McCreery. You worked it out. I still don’t think he’ll win this show, but he showed personality and spunk today.
Pia Toscano/All In Love Is Fair/Stevie Wonder – She’s really gorgeous. JLo gorgeous. And she picked a great, great song. I love this cut, so she better bring it. Broughten. The girl can flat out blow. I agree that she needs to do something other than a ballad. And she needs to own the swag. Once she does that? This girl is already a star. Twinkle, twinkle.
Paul McDonald/Tracks of My Tears/Smokey Robinson - My mom is watching with me and she was shocked, shocked to find out that this fool was a contestant. “I thought he was a truck driver.” Exactly, maman. This is a gorgeous song. I’m skeerid ‘cause I don’t think he can sing it well. He has a guitar, so at least we are spared the spastic, skeleton dancing. But dear lord, the voice. The voice. Please make it stop. This has to be outlawed under the Geneva Conventions. And he biffed the words, too. Dammit, these songs are classics. Why do these kids not know the words? This is all they have to do all week long. Learn your damn words. The tone is unique, Dawg? The tone sucks ass. Like Dylan? Well, yeah, I guess. He can’t sing either. Was there even a note in tune?
Naima Adedapo/Dancing in the Streets/Martha Reeves and the Vandellas – This song is cursed on AI. Has it ever been sung well on this show? It’s brought down way mightier voices than Naima. And this song is a party song, it’s not a let me show you I can sing in this singing competition song. And Naima should’ve gone on SYTYCD, apparently. Her voice sounds the best it’s ever sounded since her very first audition. Wow. I didn’t think she had it in her. It’s not great, but it’s in tune which is something she hasn’t achieved in all of the finals. And she does have a sense of drama about her. The African dance break actually worked. That’s the best she’s ever done on the show. As Steven said, she ate the stage. She brought the what-it-is-ness.
And Gokey 2.0 in the pimp slot. Feck. I had forgotten all about that fool. Why are there still so many of them?