OK people, I have an issue that I need some help resolving.

--My mother wants to throw us a baby shower, which is obviously a wonderful and very generous thing. But she wants us to travel up to Massachusetts for it, in February, when I will be 7 months pregnant.

--M does not want to go, for various reasons: (1) He's a nervous flier, and it's a long trip, in potentially bad weather; (2) it's twice as expensive if we both go; (3) I think he's a little uncomfortable with the whole notion of going to a baby shower, which is traditionally just for women.

--For that matter, I'm not sure how comfortable I am with the idea of a baby shower. I'm all for seeing friends and for people giving us gifts if they feel so inclined, but I think many people will probably give us something even if we don't have a shower, and I don't know how I would decide who to invite. Just women? Just my friends, and not M's? None of my friends had baby showers (or bridal showers, for that matter), and it's not a ritual I feel any particular attachment to. Plus, we just saw lots of people at our wedding last year and many of them gave us lovely gifts then; I feel weird asking them for more gifts now.

--I *love* going back to MA, but it would have to be such a short trip that I think it would be more tiring/stressful/frustrating than joyful. I would really like to save up all my personal/vacation time next year for after the baby comes, so I'd be flying up late on a Friday night and then spending much of Sunday coming back.

I've come up with a few alternatives (having a mini-shower via Skype with a few family friends, or having a post-baby shower when we come up again in June of next year), but I really don't think any of them will fly with my mother. I know how badly she wants to do this for us. I just don't actually want it. But she will be SO disappointed if I tell her that.

So. What should I do? Suggest alternatives to my mother, and hope she eventually comes around and forgives me for not wanting the full baby shower? Or suck it up and just be grateful that she is so happy for us and wants to do this really nice thing for us?

Teacher removes the word "gay" from "Deck the Halls and outrages parents.

Are you going up there at all over the holidays? I assume not. The June thing sounds like the best idea, really. But I don't know about convincing your mother.

Kate, I think not wanting to travel when you're 7 months pregnant should be a totally valid reason to just say no. Yeesh! Airplane travel is annoying enough when you're not large and constantly needing a bathroom.

I'd vote for post-baby shower, where you aren't so time constrained assuming you'll be taking time off work anyway. And maybe drive in easy stages? But sooner than June to appease Mom.

brenda, we were just there for Thanksgiving, and we'll see my parents again at Christmas; they're coming down to Oklahoma City to spend the holiday with us and M's family.

Airplane travel is annoying enough when you're not large and constantly needing a bathroom.

Yeah, and I have flown a lot lately! To LA to see my brother in October; to Philly for my cousin's wedding in November; to MA for Thanksgiving; and then in a few weeks, to OKC. And it is much more tiring than before I got pregnant.

Yes - I think a post-baby shower, in better traveling weather is a better decision.

Maybe suggest it as a "meet the baby!" party in June? Everyone will want to come for that, and your mom can still plan a party.

I know it's hard, but my suggestion would be to let her know that it's a lovely idea, but that flying at that stage is going to be stressful and eat up time you could be relaxing and SLEEPING before the baby comes. Maybe invite her to come down in February instead, too?

Yes, post-baby. And everyone will be thrilled to coo at/hold baby.

But sooner than June to appease Mom.

Well, the reason to go in June is that another cousin is getting married in VT at the end of June. So we're already planning a trip to New England then, and hoping to stretch it into a couple of weeks, since I'll be off work anyway. The baby is due in mid-April, and I really don't see us making two long trips so soon after s/he is born. My parents and M's parents are all planning to come visit when the baby comes, so June will not be the first time that my parents will see the baby.