I am really tempted to try the skin peeling thing. My guts are likely damp and that might cool me off in front of the fan. OMG, I think I miss the fucking snowpocalypse right now. And that was horrible.

eta: context

Context - trying to be less than naked because of the heat peeling of skin, not peeling broccoli stems.

My guts are likely damp and that might cool me off in front of the fan.

No skin-peeling. Go soak down a t-shirt, put that on, and then stand in front of the fan. That's what I've been doing.

The fan in my apartment is just being a hair dryer. It's blowing WARM AIR at me.

If I get moist (which I have done, thanks Mr. Shower) it turns into WARM WET AIR and the water on me HEATS UP.

I think I need to finish my space rocket; space is nice and chilly, right?

I think I need to finish my space rocket; space is nice and chilly, right?

According to the appendix in the Big Book O' Mayhem, yes. Space = chilly. (With a note about " ... just like your heart", but I don't recognize the handwriting. *I* didn't write it.)

My...heart? Oh, you mean the charred black lump Magz has declared "useless" and a "waste of space" and "something you never bother with", right? I suppose it's rather cold. I never pay attention to it.

StuntHusband it is time to get extreme -- please place a damp ( not soaked) t-shirt in the freezer. When frozen -- wear while standing in front of fan. Please place other clothing in the freezer -- Actually you do not have to dampen it , but freezing your clothes is a time honored tradition. Along with wearing a bag of frozen peas on your head.

If you never pay attention to it, why do you insist I dust the box you have it locked in? Or is that some sort of decoy to fool your enemies into thinking it's important?

Along with wearing a bag of frozen peas on your head.

Unfortunately, this plan requires that I have food in my home. Well, frozen food. I only freeze air in my freezer. Not even ice cubes.

Or is that some sort of decoy to fool your enemies into thinking it's important?

One of several. Consider Horcruxes, only less functional, more decorative. (As decorative as "charred lumps meant to look like burned human hearts" can be, that is.)

However, if you expect NOT to be required to hose Loyal Toady off (the monthly cleansing), please refrain from discussing my clever plans on the Internet, with an audience. I think we've had to edit the Book several times, bumping this one simple rule from the mid-300s to #5, then #3. Don't make me bump it to #2, displacing "The Evil Overlord will not kill his minions unless thoroughly bored".

If I get moist (which I have done, thanks Mr. Shower) it turns into WARM WET AIR and the water on me HEATS UP.

You just described Florida.

Not even ice cubes.

Oh dear, that nixes the suggestion of placing a bowl full of ice cubes in front of your fan then sitting about two feet from the bowl.

You just described Florida.

And Arizona during monsoon, in a tin-roofed trailer with only swamp coolers.