Laga, unemployed wouldn't put you out of my dating pool. It's a temporary situation, out of your hands - hardly a defining characteristic. Once upon a better time, a person who didn't have a job might have been iffy, but these days? Not so much.

You make a good point, Zenkitty. I think I still believe anybody must have a car, a job and a home if I'm going to date them. So yeah, I don't want to put myself out there when I'm not meeting my own standards. On the other hand, if I happened to meet someone who seemed interested I wouldn't shove them away.

I also had a gay roommate for a few years.

I didn't know Mark was gay!

(wrong roommate)

The part of dating where I always get confused and nervous and "How the hell am I supposed to deal with this?" is end of first or second date, if the guy asks if I want to go to his place or he can come to my place for coffee or dessert or to "hang out" or watch a movie or whatever. Can't we get some sort of standard that, if you want sex, you say so, and if you're not expecting it, then you also say so, when you ask something like that? Because after just a few dates, my answer for sex will be no, but my answer for actually having coffee or dessert or watching a movie or whatever will probably be yes. And if I say no, then he'll think I'm not interested in him at all when I am, but if I say yes, then I'm risking getting raped and nobody believing me because hey, I was on a date with him and flirting with him and went back to his apartment with him.

"Why do you think I went to a predominantly male school?"

Caltech. The odds are good, but the goods are odd.

Can't we get some sort of standard that, if you want sex, you say so

I was playing Fable II, and my DH was shoulder-surfing, and I got a message from my husband (you can get married in-game to an NPC). It said: "Family Status: Wants Sex."

I teleported back to my house, told my husband to follow me to the bed, then selected "Protected Sex." Fade to black, some noise, fade in again. Done.

My DH was appalled, and got even more so when I said it would be nice if real-world relationships had a little flag that said "Wants Sex," and then a quick yes/no option.

You're reminding me of a sublime moment in The Purple Rose of Cairo where Jeff Daniels, whose character recently walked directly off of the screen and into a movie house, is courting Mia Farrow. He goes in for a kiss, and then is startled and says, "wait...where's the fade?"

Oh how I love that movie a thousand ways.

I did date. But I got say that the giddy stage , wasn't giddy. It was too fraught. And not much with the wild sex. Because sex is better if I know someone well.

I think dating would be very different now, but I really have no desire to experience it.

And the want sex flag would be good, esp. if the answer flag was something like -- not today , but maybe next week ( esp in the situation Hil is talking about )

oh, yeah, that is great, Java.

One time I found some blank white magnets. I drew a chessboard on one and made two more into a king and a queen. If I was interested in sex, I put the queen on the board. You get the idea. It worked pretty well.

That must have been one roomy refrigerator.

Laga, that's neat! I would do that in a comfortable relationship, to be coy.

I never knew how to deal with the "OK, what is he really expecting, here?" question. I'm in awe of people who can navigate those waters without capsizing. I had very little social conditioning in either recognizing cues or sending the right ones. I'm still not real good at it. It's gotten me into trouble more than once.