Congrats on finding a nice internet geek to have for a boyfriend. I highly recommend them.

This! Very happy for you, Erin.

Yay new car, Amych!

And when I say something to the effect that X will be easier, then she starts crying.

Ugh. I'm sorry, Vortex.

Things that are annoying - when my mother says 'we'll do whatever you want to do". So I say "okay, let's do X", and she replies "no, we have to do Y". And when I say something to the effect that X will be easier, then she starts crying.

When my clients at work pull this stuff on me, I cry back at them... massive, exaggerated, whinging, crying. Some of them even know I'm faking it. I'm not sure if you are evil enough to make it work on your mother, Vortex, because of your level of emotional integrity.

"I asked you what you wanted to do. I said we'd do what you wanted. You indicated you had no preference, so I chose. Now you're upset because I wanted to do something else. Tell me. Do you need to have a preference selected for you to object to, before you can make a negative decision? I'm just asking. So I'll know next time, if I do have a preference I'll tell you the opposite so you'll object and we'll get to do what I want to do. That work for you?"

I may have said something remarkably similar to my mother. There may have been a sweet, jocular smile on my face when I said it. Didn't mean I didn't mean it. Or practice it.

It's particularly frustrating because I was willing to get up at the ass crack of dawn to take her somewhere tomorrow before I had to go to the theatre. so, she calls and says "well, I think that it's too much hassle for you, so let's do it on Monday, but whatever's easiest for you. " so, I tell her what's easiest and she's not happy with that.

So, that's where you are supposed to say "No, no, it's no problem, we'll do it the hard way, I don't mind", I guess. At least, my husband tells me that that's how it goes in his family. I mess everything up by just saying what I want to do and believing what other people say rather than tryig to guess what they really want...

I imagine it's harder when it's your actual mother.

I think it's a real issue with women of that generation. All that 40s-60s propaganda about how a mother's job is to take care of others' needs, not their own. They were taught not to speak directly about what they want and so a lot of them use this weird passive-aggressive shit which is MUCH more annoying than being forthright.

Giving tree, my ass.

yes, just fucking tell me what you want.

Well, I just read this week's Torah portion, because I didn't make it to synagogue this morning

I try to do the same with the lectionary when I don't make it church (which is much of the time, these days). Today seems to be missing an Old Testament reading. Nice psalm though.

yes, just fucking tell me what you want.

I don't know if this is better or worse when you have a relationship without gender difference. My other half and I are both capable of saying what we want. We have other communication difficulties though. We have the most fun with cultural stuff. She argues like an Israeli (given that she is one). I use avoidance and 'round the houses politeness' tactics like a Brit. Never the twain shall meet.

She argues like an Israeli (given that she is one). I use avoidance and 'round the houses politeness' tactics like a Brit. Never the twain shall meet.

I am feeling fragile. I can't really explain it, as it's all work related, but is related to a really upsetting call last night and i wish i could have done more than i did. I'm not at any fault, i did nothing wrong, i adhered to all SOP's and rules, i did everything "right" but knowing what i do now, wish i had pushed just a little harder to follow through on gut instincts. I couldn't sleep today, and am seriously contemplating misusing prescription drugs (i.e. codeine laced cough syrup) to sleep in the near future. I don't want my current state of mind influencing my dreams. I just need to keep reminding myself that we did everything we could....it's only wishful thinking that we might have been faster and better and got a different outcome. *sigh* i need to stop following up on the news.

eta: i still love my new job. I still feel like i'm doing the right thing with my skills. I just wish i were omniscient.