"I asked you what you wanted to do. I said we'd do what you wanted. You indicated you had no preference, so I chose. Now you're upset because I wanted to do something else. Tell me. Do you need to have a preference selected for you to object to, before you can make a negative decision? I'm just asking. So I'll know next time, if I do have a preference I'll tell you the opposite so you'll object and we'll get to do what I want to do. That work for you?"

I may have said something remarkably similar to my mother. There may have been a sweet, jocular smile on my face when I said it. Didn't mean I didn't mean it. Or practice it.

It's particularly frustrating because I was willing to get up at the ass crack of dawn to take her somewhere tomorrow before I had to go to the theatre. so, she calls and says "well, I think that it's too much hassle for you, so let's do it on Monday, but whatever's easiest for you. " so, I tell her what's easiest and she's not happy with that.

So, that's where you are supposed to say "No, no, it's no problem, we'll do it the hard way, I don't mind", I guess. At least, my husband tells me that that's how it goes in his family. I mess everything up by just saying what I want to do and believing what other people say rather than tryig to guess what they really want...

I imagine it's harder when it's your actual mother.

I think it's a real issue with women of that generation. All that 40s-60s propaganda about how a mother's job is to take care of others' needs, not their own. They were taught not to speak directly about what they want and so a lot of them use this weird passive-aggressive shit which is MUCH more annoying than being forthright.

Giving tree, my ass.

yes, just fucking tell me what you want.

Well, I just read this week's Torah portion, because I didn't make it to synagogue this morning

I try to do the same with the lectionary when I don't make it church (which is much of the time, these days). Today seems to be missing an Old Testament reading. Nice psalm though.

yes, just fucking tell me what you want.

I don't know if this is better or worse when you have a relationship without gender difference. My other half and I are both capable of saying what we want. We have other communication difficulties though. We have the most fun with cultural stuff. She argues like an Israeli (given that she is one). I use avoidance and 'round the houses politeness' tactics like a Brit. Never the twain shall meet.

She argues like an Israeli (given that she is one). I use avoidance and 'round the houses politeness' tactics like a Brit. Never the twain shall meet.

I am feeling fragile. I can't really explain it, as it's all work related, but is related to a really upsetting call last night and i wish i could have done more than i did. I'm not at any fault, i did nothing wrong, i adhered to all SOP's and rules, i did everything "right" but knowing what i do now, wish i had pushed just a little harder to follow through on gut instincts. I couldn't sleep today, and am seriously contemplating misusing prescription drugs (i.e. codeine laced cough syrup) to sleep in the near future. I don't want my current state of mind influencing my dreams. I just need to keep reminding myself that we did everything we could....it's only wishful thinking that we might have been faster and better and got a different outcome. *sigh* i need to stop following up on the news.

eta: i still love my new job. I still feel like i'm doing the right thing with my skills. I just wish i were omniscient.

Where is Lawrence of Arabia when you need him!?!

Now he'd be useful. Or, y'know, any cultural translator who can remind me that when she starts yelling, it's not personal, it's just Mediterranean.

Making progress with paper #2. Only one more week and I shall be free (except for three months of a dissertation, but that'll be like a holiday in Tenerife compared to the last few weeks).

She argues like an Israeli (given that she is one). I use avoidance and 'round the houses politeness' tactics like a Brit. Never the twain shall meet.

when she starts yelling, it's not personal, it's just Mediterranean.

coughs-to-choking I will reply on this later.

erin, I can really relate to that. I think, if I got your vibe right, that it's all about taking things personally. Too personally. And I don't think one can ever learn not to take it to the heart, but there may be methods to come to terms with it and not to sink in the Over Analyzing Pit Of Doom. Anyway, good luck.