Also, right now I am not really feeling grief for my mother, but somehow for my grandma, who loved that house and garden. My mother’s neighbor said he could tell someone used to love the garden and I have such good memories of helping her with it as a little girl. So I am in fantasy land I think about moving home and fixing a house.
I came across my mother’s notebooks and it is clear that she has thought she was dying since 2007. She apparently was in a lot of pain. She was also increasingly paranoid and was writing down in detail every marketing call and every interaction with service people. Boy did she hate her one neighbor and I think lived to spite him, so I absolutely cannot sell to him. I think I might right now be happy for her that she is out of such pain.
And I myself have been super depressed, neglecting my health, and afraid of dying for a couple of years, so this is a real wake up call.
Timelies all!
Feeling melancholy right now.(See Beep Me for the reason)
Sheryl, that's rough. I hope one day it will be a turning point for good, not to rush you ahead to the next emotional stage or anything, but I can see why you couldn't let things go on as before, either.
Toe pick!
So I am in fantasy land I think about moving home and fixing a house.
17k could get the ball rolling on that.
I find grief to be very non-linear - not the stages, the whole experience, logistically, emotionally, socially... It’s very chaotic. So many notebooks! And if we’re going to talk stages, anxiety needs its very own one. And her not being in pain is one of the few blessings that come with this but it’s worth an awful lot.
Sheryl, you’re doing your best with the impossible. Hang in there.
Sheryl, that sounds so hard. I am sending you ~ma.
Post Cereal as I feel weird putting it with Sheryl.
Trudy, there is even more money. I mean, not a lot for rich people, but probably $200,000. I have no idea how my mom saved that much (possibly by not repairing the house) in Western NY, that could buy me a small house outright. I think, from her notes, that she was doing this for me. I think she would NOT want me to stay in the house, but grandma would. Hence the delay.
Wow, Sophia, that's crazy.
Don't decide anything too fast...see what your intuition tells you.
Thanks erika! I am like everyone needs to slow their roll and let me think. We basically have six months where all I need to pay is electricity. I am known for putting things off, but I am way more decisive than my mom. I think I need a good home inspection.
Sheryl and Sophia, you are both very much in my thoughts, and I am sending you both so much ~ma~.
