Oh, the People headline was even better!

"Professional Cornhole Player with No Arms or Legs Charged with Murdering Man and Dumping Body from Car"

Today they had the following:

"Charlie Kirk's Mentor Jeff Webb, the Father of Modern Cheerleading, Dies in Freak Pickleball Accident"

And yes, I've been texting these around.

(They did fix the headline, which originally said "No Arms or Legs Since Birth", which was wrong, as if you read the article, you know it's since 10 months. But the original seemed even more bizarre.)

I haven't clicked through any of the headlines and so will just have to assume that the murder in question stemmed from a cornhole-related dispute.

Copy editors everywhere are always trying to live up to the high-water mark of "Headless Body in Topless Bar."

I’m still amazed at the genius who thought it would be a good idea to pick a fight with Jack Reacher.

I just took an online survey that disqualified me when I answered "strongly disapprove" about the job Trump is doing. Yeah, I'm sure that poll is going to have real accurate results.

the battery backup for my computer lets me know it's getting low with a siren noise. I thought the cricket chirp from the last ones was annoying, but good lord, that restarted my heart and was really good for thinking too.

Thanks for the ~ma, y’all.

I have many questions about the cornhole champion murderer. But mostly I’m picturing the family of the victim looking for a way to tell people about it that centers their lost family member more than the unexpected attributes of the murderer.

“Poor Braderick, taken from us too soon.”

“I just heard. Who killed him?”

“Well …”

I too have many questions. Most of them strike me as too disrespectful to voice, but wow is my morbid curiosity having a field day.

I'm taking a LinkedIn Learning course (assigned by corporate) and the instructor keeps introducing herself as "the author of The Long Game" and my poor little Heated Rivalry-coded brain does a record scratch every. single. time.