Here's a headline from the NYT that is causing me cognitive dissonance on several fronts:
"Quadruple amputee cornhole professional jailed on murder charges"
It's a glorious spring day in San Francisco.
Hey, preaching to the choir. I thought our Lady of the Perpetual Sea Breeze was the real deal until the Divine Miss J walked right through that door and right into my ass—which is where my heart is…physiologically. I could show you an x-ray.
Lorne ,'Time Bomb'
Natter 78: I might need to watch some Buffy for inspiration
Off-topic discussion. Wanna talk about corsets, duct tape, butt kicking, or physics? This is the place. Detailed discussion of any current-season TV must be whitefonted.
DavidS - Mar 24, 2026 10:30:44 am PDT #12079 of 12196
"Look, son, if it's good enough for Shirley Bassey, it's good enough for you."
P.M. Marc - Mar 24, 2026 10:44:28 am PDT #12080 of 12196
So come, my friends, be not afraid/We are so lightly here/It is in love that we are made; In love we disappear
Oh, the People headline was even better!
"Professional Cornhole Player with No Arms or Legs Charged with Murdering Man and Dumping Body from Car"
Today they had the following:
"Charlie Kirk's Mentor Jeff Webb, the Father of Modern Cheerleading, Dies in Freak Pickleball Accident"
And yes, I've been texting these around.
P.M. Marc - Mar 24, 2026 10:45:49 am PDT #12081 of 12196
So come, my friends, be not afraid/We are so lightly here/It is in love that we are made; In love we disappear
(They did fix the headline, which originally said "No Arms or Legs Since Birth", which was wrong, as if you read the article, you know it's since 10 months. But the original seemed even more bizarre.)
Jessica - Mar 24, 2026 10:51:02 am PDT #12082 of 12196
And then Ortus came and said "It's Ortin' time" and they all Orted off into the sunset
I haven't clicked through any of the headlines and so will just have to assume that the murder in question stemmed from a cornhole-related dispute.
Steph L. - Mar 24, 2026 10:52:14 am PDT #12083 of 12196
this mess was yours / now your mess is mine
Copy editors everywhere are always trying to live up to the high-water mark of "Headless Body in Topless Bar."
Tom Scola - Mar 24, 2026 10:54:44 am PDT #12084 of 12196
They pay me in WOIMS
I’m still amazed at the genius who thought it would be a good idea to pick a fight with Jack Reacher.
Matt the Bruins fan - Mar 24, 2026 12:58:04 pm PDT #12085 of 12196
You have to remember that being a 5-time Olympic medalist means Hilary Knight has been playing hockey at an elite level at least 16 years. It's impossible for her to be a teenage girl less than 16 years old, thus the President's complete lack of interest.
I just took an online survey that disqualified me when I answered "strongly disapprove" about the job Trump is doing. Yeah, I'm sure that poll is going to have real accurate results.
erikaj - Mar 24, 2026 1:15:52 pm PDT #12086 of 12196
"already on the kiss-cam with Karl Marx"-
the battery backup for my computer lets me know it's getting low with a siren noise. I thought the cricket chirp from the last ones was annoying, but good lord, that restarted my heart and was really good for thinking too.
Calli - Mar 24, 2026 5:03:58 pm PDT #12087 of 12196
I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul—Calvin and Hobbs
Thanks for the ~ma, y’all.
I have many questions about the cornhole champion murderer. But mostly I’m picturing the family of the victim looking for a way to tell people about it that centers their lost family member more than the unexpected attributes of the murderer.
“Poor Braderick, taken from us too soon.”
“I just heard. Who killed him?”
“Well …”
Matt the Bruins fan - Mar 25, 2026 6:59:24 am PDT #12088 of 12196
You have to remember that being a 5-time Olympic medalist means Hilary Knight has been playing hockey at an elite level at least 16 years. It's impossible for her to be a teenage girl less than 16 years old, thus the President's complete lack of interest.
I too have many questions. Most of them strike me as too disrespectful to voice, but wow is my morbid curiosity having a field day.