I am, sadly, grateful I didn't have to look after Hubby as his health issue snowballed. He would have ended up in a wheelchair eventually, which was his lifelong terror, and it would have been bad. Operatic-level tragedy is better than the long, slow, grinding decline. Daddy overworked himself into a fatal heart attack, Mother was in assisted living in her own little apartment when she didn't want to take care of a house anymore. Her last decline wasn't very long.

For myself, I'm hoping to get another good 15 years. When I retire, maybe I'll have health and resources to be on my own in some sort of communal situation.

I do almost wish my parents had MORE stairs in their house (it's all flat, ranch style), because it would force them to consider moving much sooner. As is, my dad has already fallen a few times, and it's dangerous!

I do almost wish my parents had MORE stairs in their house (it's all flat, ranch style), because it would force them to consider moving much sooner. As is, my dad has already fallen a few times, and it's dangerous!

Yeah, Tim's dad's house is a ranch with a finished basement, but the washing machine and dryer are on the main level, so he never needs to go in the basement. Stairs would force him to be realistic about moving. (And he has also fallen a few times. He has a LifeAlert thing now, although I'm not sure he wears it.)

Oh, Jilli, that's so great! I am so happy for your dad!

I sometimes think I'll be living with my sister when we get really old, but I've never mentioned it to her

Me, too (with my sister, not Consuela's) but her kids are still living with her and her soon-to-be ex-husband only recently moved out, I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to be thinking that far down the road just yet.

I am so down with the Buffista retirement community I don't know if I can express it in words and sound sincere.

I have also been thinking that I could move in with my parents and keep my job if the level of care I could provide part-time like that would be helpful. Haven't mentioned that to them, either. I could theoretically move them in with me, too, I guess, but their house is nicer than mine (neither is really good as far as stairs go) and they have a good network of friends built up where they are.

network of friends built up where they are.

This is one of the reasons I feel like my parents wouldn't move. And I remember my grandmother having issues about it, but by the time she moved all her friends had died or moved to Florida, so...I do wonder if my willingness would be affected by the fact that so many of my friends are online and that's how I see them, so moving wouldnt matter?

My mom's cousin is in a really nice retirement home -- it's got a dining room with parquet floors and a chandelier, and a library with comfy chairs and a lot of large-print books, and various sorts of activities every day, and each resident has a suite with a living room and bedroom and kitchenette, and the people who work there all seem great -- but whenever we visit, my mother makes sure to tell us as we leave that she never wants to be in a "place like this."

My dad's mother was fairly active until pretty soon before she died -- she was still going out to do her own grocery shopping, and going to synagogue activities, and stuff like that. When she got sick, it was pretty much that she could live for a few months in the hospital with a lot of treatments, or she could go home and die in a few weeks, and she chose to go home. My parents hired a home health aide to stay in the spare bedroom and take care of her, and my dad went to visit her every day after work, and my mom and I went to see her most weekends.

My parents are early 70s and I am ready for them to be in an independent living place with tiered service when they need it. That is what I plan to do, be in independent housing within a tiered place by late 60s early 70s. If I cannot afford the high end market value places, then I plan to spend a ton of money and meet the income requirements for the one with income restrictions.

I can get real deep into how to pay for various options, but will refrain (unless anyone wants to hear it!).

For the longest time, people did generally die at home "in the bosom of their family."

There's amazing stuff from the Civil War about soldiers arranging pictures of dying soldiers' families around them to try to recreate this on the battlefield.

Yes. Buffista retirement home, even if we don't make it to buffista island?

This strikes me as a pretty feasible idea. 8 or 10 of us pooling resources when we hit retirement age could get much nicer digs in a multi-bedroom house than we'd be able to afford solo, and maybe arrange housekeeping, a cook, and an LPN or two to look after residents. I don't know about the complexities involved in more intensive medical care, but it might work for those who just need a bit of looking after but not round-the-clock care. And we've already self-selected for sharing a lot of interests and enjoying each other's company...