I think, in my mother's mind, being in the retirement community (which has assisted living, nursing home and Alzheimer's care, although they are still in a house), represents self-sufficiency in that she was making sure she was taken care of and not leaving it to us to make the decision. Bless her for that - my sisters and I are free of having those fights with each other or with her.

If anyone really wants to know, I will tell you over email what the finances look like for my parents' swanky retirement place in Richmond look like.

For the longest time, people did generally die at home "in the bosom of their family." Dying in the hospital was seen as isolated and being at the mercy of strangers who didn't really care and proof that you didn't have family who would take care of you.

Timelies all!

The little guy's at daycare. I got a new winter coat because my current winter coat a)is not actually warm enough for the middle of winter and b)is falling apart. Now I'm watching stuff on the DVR.

US middle class senior care could be better.

My dad looked at a retirement community a few years ago, and the prices were crazy.

But he's moving in with his ladylove this weekend! I'm ridiculously happy about the whole thing. AND AND AND - he's retiring from Fred Meyer! He gives notice next week, on my birthday! BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER.

(This is the store that mom and I both worked at, and I refer to it as Retail Hell.)

I do feel bad that that was the one thing she asked for and it went the way she didn't want.

Yeah. I read Atul Gawande's new book, Being Mortal, a few months ago, and he talks a lot about this issue. It's all about how we handle aging and death, and different methods for dealing with it.

In Oakland, there's a senior co-housing group with a new building down on the waterfront. I sometimes think that would be a nice way to deal. You get a lot more community than you would in an apartment or a house, and way less upkeep. Plus it's designed to support seniors as they age.

I sometimes think I'll be living with my sister when we get really old, but I've never mentioned it to her, because her husband is still very healthy although he's 63.

I'm going to come move in with one of you.

While I joke about it, I really do want the Eldergoth Retirement Home to be a real thing.

Yes. Buffista retirement home, even if we don't make it to buffista island?

My parents have toured multiple places in Indianapolis (which I'm certain are far cheaper than anything in Seattle) but mostly because then they get free lunch. And can decide if a place has good food.

What I'm about to say sounds like absolutely the worst thing, but -- I generally assume my dad will die suddenly from a heart attack before he ever reaches the point that he needs assisted living.

My mom, on the other hand, turns 70 next year and shows no signs of slowing down. She's a powerhouse in a totally non-elderly way. My stepdad is 12 years younger than her, so I tend to assume that, if she ever does slow down, he can take care of her.

My mother (of some fame here) is talking about assisted living because her husband is 83 and showing his age, with some mobility issues (balance and inability to walk far) and some 'questionable judgment' issues - she describes it as reduced inhibition. He'll lose $100 and stuff. Their house is all stairs, which I think is the biggest physical issue. Socially, she is not working and his daughter lives next door, so you'd think they would be okay not leaving him alone much, but apparently in practice this is a problem.

But my mother in assisted living? She's 65 and healthy as a horse. She would drive everyone she dealt with, plus me, BANANAS.