I mean, I think about it frequently when we drive past the really beautiful assisted living place in the neighborhood.

I wonder about affording things like that.

After mom died, Dad and I went to look at one of those swanky retirement communities. The buy-in requirements were way more than he could afford. Dad was very disappointed. He'd worked all his life, had a pension and what he thought were decent savings, but even including money from selling the house wouldn't have gotten him in the door, much less ongoing fees. He ended up in a seniors only appartment complex with some activities, but cleaning and food were on him (or, rather, me after he got ill). US middle class senior care could be better.

That sounds enormously expensive. A vacation at sea sounds enormously expensive to me, really, retirement at sea I can't really wrap my mind around. The one article I saw on some woman who is living on cruise ships said it cost her "only" some annual amount that is more than I make in a year now, so I don't think that's something I can seriously consider. In any case, I'd rather be a burden on professionals than relatives, if it comes to that.

My one grandmother didn't want to go into assisted living, but her thing was that she didn't want to die in a hospital. Which she did, she was staying with my parents and had, like, multiple strokes, and my dad got her to the hospital hoping, you know, she wouldn't die. I can't blame him for that, but I do feel bad that that was the one thing she asked for and it went the way she didn't want. But the the time she spent living with my parents before the end was really good for all of us, I think. My other grandmother had a progressive deal with a big retirement community (Rossmoor for Bay-istas) where she had her own house and if she ever needed full-time care they would move her within the community but she never had to make use of that. She didn't want to live with family because she had taken care of elderly relatives when she was younger and didn't want to make anyone else do that.

My one grandmother didn't want to go into assisted living, but her thing was that she didn't want to die in a hospital.

Is this something from an older generation? Or a fear of too much medical intervention? Or something I'll understand as I get older? I mean, me, I'm like "ew, I don't want to die IN MY HOUSE, then everyone will remember that spot as "where meara died" and maybe not want to live there? And they'd have to figure out who to call about the body, and meanwhile my dead body would just BE there??" I can totally get the "don't want to die all hooked up to machines", though, so...

I think, in my mother's mind, being in the retirement community (which has assisted living, nursing home and Alzheimer's care, although they are still in a house), represents self-sufficiency in that she was making sure she was taken care of and not leaving it to us to make the decision. Bless her for that - my sisters and I are free of having those fights with each other or with her.

If anyone really wants to know, I will tell you over email what the finances look like for my parents' swanky retirement place in Richmond look like.

For the longest time, people did generally die at home "in the bosom of their family." Dying in the hospital was seen as isolated and being at the mercy of strangers who didn't really care and proof that you didn't have family who would take care of you.

Timelies all!

The little guy's at daycare. I got a new winter coat because my current winter coat a)is not actually warm enough for the middle of winter and b)is falling apart. Now I'm watching stuff on the DVR.

US middle class senior care could be better.

My dad looked at a retirement community a few years ago, and the prices were crazy.

But he's moving in with his ladylove this weekend! I'm ridiculously happy about the whole thing. AND AND AND - he's retiring from Fred Meyer! He gives notice next week, on my birthday! BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER.

(This is the store that mom and I both worked at, and I refer to it as Retail Hell.)

I do feel bad that that was the one thing she asked for and it went the way she didn't want.

Yeah. I read Atul Gawande's new book, Being Mortal, a few months ago, and he talks a lot about this issue. It's all about how we handle aging and death, and different methods for dealing with it.

In Oakland, there's a senior co-housing group with a new building down on the waterfront. I sometimes think that would be a nice way to deal. You get a lot more community than you would in an apartment or a house, and way less upkeep. Plus it's designed to support seniors as they age.

I sometimes think I'll be living with my sister when we get really old, but I've never mentioned it to her, because her husband is still very healthy although he's 63.

I'm going to come move in with one of you.