Those places definitely still exist, and that is not what I'm talking about.

Oh, sure. But the fear engendered by those places made her think that all residential facilities were like that.

Yeah, but if you have in your mind that that's what all assisted living residences are REALLY like, I can see where that would be a hard idea to let go of even if you look at a place that seems okay.

It's hard to admit you can't be as self-sufficient as you want to be. If owning your own home is the American Dream, giving that up is failure, you don't make the rules anymore. It's easier to contemplate assisted living when you don't so much need the assistance, I think.

If i am brutally honest with myself, it does not make sense for me to live in a house by myself but that is very upsetting so I try not to be that honest. I can't imagine it would be easier if I were 30+years older and had the people I taught to walk and talk telling me I couldn't take care of myself anymore.

My mom's family tends to live into their late 80s/early 90s and be of sound mind right up to the end, so I suspect assisted living/nursing homes aren't going to fly for her. (She kept my grandmother at home with the help of some daytime caretakers for years after she was incapacitated by strokes rather than put her in a home.) Unless she reaches a point where she's a danger to herself if left unsupervised I'm not going to push it—at 76 she has more energy and a more active social life than I do. Dad's mobility issues might force a relocation at some point, but for now he's plugging along and I'd favor in-home aides for the physical care as long as he's clearheaded. (Of course it'll also ultimately be Mom's decision rather than mine.)

In other age-related news, one of those thumbnail article blurbs at the bottom of a website just scared me with a "We say goodbye to Betty White" headline, but it turned out to be a cosmetics ad that incorrectly said she was leaving Hot in Cleveland before the series itself ended.

I am all for assisted living in my future! It sounds like college again! Though to be fair, I'm picturing the sort of "independent apartments with kitchenettes and you could cook there but mostly you eat in the dining hall" kind of place, not the "you have a room and a roommate and the only thing in there is your sad adjustable bed and a TV that constantly blares soap operas" sort of thing.

Everything -t said. Self-sufficiency is the bedrock of the American way of life, for good and ill. "Me do it!" The dream of the stalwart pioneer making a life for him/herself in the wilderness runs deep in a lot of American psyches.

For myself, I'm sick of having a house to take care of. As much as I dislike most people, I find it very soothing to hear life going on nearby--just hopefully not too nearby. It reassures me that I didn't miss some life-ending apocalypse and I'm the only one left amongst the monsters that want to eat me (you deal with your mental basement dwellers, I'll deal with mine).

But I'm in decent health, still working, still completely mobile, if I want to live amongst other people, it'll be in a condo or apartment I control. Assisted living has elements of being checked on, monitored, not trusted to manage on your own. Terrifying.

Depending on what the financial situation is like, I may do that retirement at sea thing on cruise ships rather than become an issue for my extended family. If it's not much more expensive than a good retirement community, I'd prefer to end up somewhere I can nap all day on a deck chair with a great view of the ocean. Plus, great food, shuffleboard, and live entertainment (including hot deck hands to ogle)!

It'd be cool if you coulod arrange for burial at sea.

Can we younger people remember that communal living can be great? I wish she had gone into assisted living so many years ago.

I am so looking forward to moving to assisted living. I mean, I think about it frequently when we drive past the really beautiful assisted living place in the neighborhood. I mean, meals with people that I don't make? Activities planned for me? Outings? and the other one we are near? on the same block as the beautiful Trader Joe's.

It'd be cool if you coulod arrange for burial at sea.

Hah!

Yeah, if I retired on a cruise ship and died, I'd want to be cremated and my cremains mixed up in some fireworks that would be used to entertain the rest of the passengers.

I mean, I think about it frequently when we drive past the really beautiful assisted living place in the neighborhood.

I wonder about affording things like that.