My mom's family tends to live into their late 80s/early 90s and be of sound mind right up to the end, so I suspect assisted living/nursing homes aren't going to fly for her. (She kept my grandmother at home with the help of some daytime caretakers for years after she was incapacitated by strokes rather than put her in a home.) Unless she reaches a point where she's a danger to herself if left unsupervised I'm not going to push it—at 76 she has more energy and a more active social life than I do. Dad's mobility issues might force a relocation at some point, but for now he's plugging along and I'd favor in-home aides for the physical care as long as he's clearheaded. (Of course it'll also ultimately be Mom's decision rather than mine.)

In other age-related news, one of those thumbnail article blurbs at the bottom of a website just scared me with a "We say goodbye to Betty White" headline, but it turned out to be a cosmetics ad that incorrectly said she was leaving Hot in Cleveland before the series itself ended.

I am all for assisted living in my future! It sounds like college again! Though to be fair, I'm picturing the sort of "independent apartments with kitchenettes and you could cook there but mostly you eat in the dining hall" kind of place, not the "you have a room and a roommate and the only thing in there is your sad adjustable bed and a TV that constantly blares soap operas" sort of thing.

Everything -t said. Self-sufficiency is the bedrock of the American way of life, for good and ill. "Me do it!" The dream of the stalwart pioneer making a life for him/herself in the wilderness runs deep in a lot of American psyches.

For myself, I'm sick of having a house to take care of. As much as I dislike most people, I find it very soothing to hear life going on nearby--just hopefully not too nearby. It reassures me that I didn't miss some life-ending apocalypse and I'm the only one left amongst the monsters that want to eat me (you deal with your mental basement dwellers, I'll deal with mine).

But I'm in decent health, still working, still completely mobile, if I want to live amongst other people, it'll be in a condo or apartment I control. Assisted living has elements of being checked on, monitored, not trusted to manage on your own. Terrifying.

Depending on what the financial situation is like, I may do that retirement at sea thing on cruise ships rather than become an issue for my extended family. If it's not much more expensive than a good retirement community, I'd prefer to end up somewhere I can nap all day on a deck chair with a great view of the ocean. Plus, great food, shuffleboard, and live entertainment (including hot deck hands to ogle)!

It'd be cool if you coulod arrange for burial at sea.

Can we younger people remember that communal living can be great? I wish she had gone into assisted living so many years ago.

I am so looking forward to moving to assisted living. I mean, I think about it frequently when we drive past the really beautiful assisted living place in the neighborhood. I mean, meals with people that I don't make? Activities planned for me? Outings? and the other one we are near? on the same block as the beautiful Trader Joe's.

It'd be cool if you coulod arrange for burial at sea.

Hah!

Yeah, if I retired on a cruise ship and died, I'd want to be cremated and my cremains mixed up in some fireworks that would be used to entertain the rest of the passengers.

I mean, I think about it frequently when we drive past the really beautiful assisted living place in the neighborhood.

I wonder about affording things like that.

After mom died, Dad and I went to look at one of those swanky retirement communities. The buy-in requirements were way more than he could afford. Dad was very disappointed. He'd worked all his life, had a pension and what he thought were decent savings, but even including money from selling the house wouldn't have gotten him in the door, much less ongoing fees. He ended up in a seniors only appartment complex with some activities, but cleaning and food were on him (or, rather, me after he got ill). US middle class senior care could be better.

That sounds enormously expensive. A vacation at sea sounds enormously expensive to me, really, retirement at sea I can't really wrap my mind around. The one article I saw on some woman who is living on cruise ships said it cost her "only" some annual amount that is more than I make in a year now, so I don't think that's something I can seriously consider. In any case, I'd rather be a burden on professionals than relatives, if it comes to that.

My one grandmother didn't want to go into assisted living, but her thing was that she didn't want to die in a hospital. Which she did, she was staying with my parents and had, like, multiple strokes, and my dad got her to the hospital hoping, you know, she wouldn't die. I can't blame him for that, but I do feel bad that that was the one thing she asked for and it went the way she didn't want. But the the time she spent living with my parents before the end was really good for all of us, I think. My other grandmother had a progressive deal with a big retirement community (Rossmoor for Bay-istas) where she had her own house and if she ever needed full-time care they would move her within the community but she never had to make use of that. She didn't want to live with family because she had taken care of elderly relatives when she was younger and didn't want to make anyone else do that.