You guys would not believe my night last night. My brother lives in a HUGE apartment complex, and there's really no signage that indicates, for example, units 1-20 to the right, units 20-40 to the left, etc. So the cab driver and I couldn't find his apartment, and when I called him for directions, he was so addled from withdrawal that he was no help. So, predictably, THAT was what made me finally lose my shit entirely, so I just sat and sobbed in the backseat of this poor guy's Prius.

Eventually we found it, of course, and then -- I am not making this up -- the cab driver's credit card reader kept rejecting my credit card. He finally ran it manually, I think because he just wanted to get me out of the cab.

My brother was in bed when I got there (about 10:30 Colorado time, which felt like 12:30 to me). He needed me to go get him beer because of his withdrawal, which I had anticipated. Withdrawal is nothing to mess around with -- he needs to quit drinking, of course, but if he goes cold turkey, it could legit kill him, so I knew he'd need beer to hold him over until I could get him to the hospital.

I go to Safeway at 11:15. They close at 11. I go back to Jeff's apartment (5 minutes from the Safeway), and he tells me the Wal-Mart sells beer and is open 24 hours. I get to Wal-Mart at 11:45 and waste too much time looking for gluten-free food (and carrot cake Hershey's Kisses) for me, so by the time I check out, it's after midnight. Wal-Mart stops selling beer after midnight. FUCK.

So I go back to Jeff's apartment and tell him all this; at this point it's close to 1 am (which feels like 3 am to me). He says he can tough it out until morning even though it will be rough. I gave him one of my ativan because I really didn't want him having a seizure overnight.

So this morning I take his dog out and go to the Safeway for the biggest coffee I can get and an 18-pack of Coors. The cashier comments that it's a little early to be buying beer. I give him a dirty look. (I'm in my nightshirt still, with yoga pants and a fleece jacket and my winter coat, so, you know, I am giving zero fucks at this point.)

My brother really thinks he can taper off of alcohol by drinking a beer every 90 minutes, and then increasing that time interval tomorrow and the next day and the next day, etc. I disagree, but I'm giving him some time to realize it's not a good idea. His blood pressure is high but not (at this point) scary high, so I haven't strongarmed him into the car just yet.

But later today I'm really going to try to get him to the hospital. This is not something to mess around with.

I texted Jeff's wife (currently in Myanmar), and asked when she was coming back, because I thought she might come back early when she realized her husband was in such dire straits that I flew out here, and she said she'll be back Sunday. I'm kind of angry that she isn't coming home sooner. I don't know if she realizes how bad things are right now.

I can't believe I'm here and doing this. I can't believe I'm going to be here for a whole week. I really REALLY want to go home, you guys. I am not equipped to do this.

Oh Steph, you are what he has right now. I'm so sorry that this is awful and tiresome and you feel justifiably overwhelmed. Luckily time will keep moving and you'll get through this as terrible as it is. You don't have to think of the whole week. Just make it to the next hour...look 2 minutes ahead and not multiple days. You'll do it because you have to do it.

I am so very sorry.

Oh, Steph. Good luck and ~ma getting him to the hospital. I hope he cooperates. A lot of people are with you in spirit, you can get through it. You're a good person, and you're just what he needs right now.

Oh, my god, Steph. That is insanely unfair and a super crappy night on top of all your stress.

Good luck, Steph. You are going above and beyond what anyone should have to.

That is insanely unfair and a super crappy night on top of all your stress.

I did get carrot cake Hershey's Kisses and other (comparatively) cheap gluten-free stuff at the Wal-Mart, so there's that. (I don't shop at Wal-Mart of my own volition, but since I was there last night on behalf of my brother -- and since the carrot cake Hershey's Kisses are only available at Wal-Mart -- you bet I got stuff).

Update: his blood pressure is back down to normal, so that's a good thing. He's cheerfully making some eggs right now.

Ugh, what a nightmare, Steph. I hope he lets you help him. :(

Holy shit, Steph. Here's hoping he goes in to treatment sooner rather than later.

Yeah, seriously. I feel less worried now that his blood pressure is normal (less worried in the sense that there's one less thing that could be catastrophic; I'm still worried in a general sense), but he needs more help than just me making sure he only drinks 1 beer every 90 minutes. He's not eating, for one thing. I'm not going to make him eat if it will make him sick, but if it's going to make him sick, he needs to be in the hospital.

Oh Steph, sending lots of strength and love your way. He is so fortunate to have you there.