Masturbation as infidelity? Seriously? I feel all naive, asking that question. I didn't know what was anywhere near a held opinion, but significant numbers. Not like porn as infidelity.

I just copped to something in our project to the risk management people that might put the project under a spotlight. Oh, man, that was...not my place.

Well, the teefury page never loaded and I had to use the task manager to close IE, and then Outlook stopped working...

Huh. Double huh.

I corrected it to ado in track changes and sent it back to the writer. If she wants to change it back I will not know and therefore won't have to cringe.

I'm writing. I took the afternoon off to deal with this shit. This shit will be done.

No it won't.

It will never be done. And I am going to fail. My anxiety levels are through the roof. Calm vibes. Calm writing vibes. And a beta reader who has a soothing voice. Cerulean blue is a gentle breeze.

I always want to ask those "pornography is horrible and demeans women!" people if man on man porn is similarly demeaning to women. I seem to get yelled at whenever I try it.

Well, the ones I know are pretty much just against the extracurricular sex, so I have no idea.

Masturbation as infidelity? Seriously? I feel all naive, asking that question.

From what I have gathered - and I am not claiming I asked a metric ton of insightful questions, just an hour of conversation - it isn't the masturbation that was the issue. It was having it be rather interactive with the porn or the idea of the people in the porn. It wasn't random wank, it was the imagined scenario that caused consternation.

To me, I'd be more worried about a relationship if the other person was actively and rampantly fantasizing about someone else specific. But that's me.

It will never be done. And I am going to fail. My anxiety levels are through the roof. Calm vibes.

It will be done. You will succeed. I hope your anxiety levels go down...

If anyone wants to send calming and good vibes right now, I'm waiting for someone to call for a phone interview...

Connie,

I always want to ask those "pornography is horrible and demeans women!" people if man on man porn is similarly demeaning to women. I seem to get yelled at whenever I try it.

As someone who is in this camp, I think the industry is demeaning to all involved - men and women.

Calm~ma and interview~ma to you, meara.

Allyson, you can do it! You too, meara. Deep breaths all around.

I think the pornography as adultery is a pretty straight line from "thou shalt not covet," although not a line I'd draw myself. Remember Jimmy Carter and the "adultery in my heart thing."

I think the industry is demeaning to all involved - men and women.

All porn, every single instance? Even the people that say they're not demeaned? Why?

OMG, I am in such trouble. Like, you're supposed to be as compliant as possible (totally, bon, we're totally compliant), but no one wants to be the party pooper that prolongs the project with resurrecting the issue that just would not die...

I know a smart early 20s woman (I am being all "make her unidentifiable on the internet" but if you know me, you likely know who she is) who does actually feel that pornography is cheating and thus adultery in marriage. I don't agree with her theologically, but I can see how she rationally and calmly came to her decision. And since she's upfront about it with men she dates, fair enough.

What are her views on masturbation?

I wish the industry wasn't rife with abuses. It is. And it's a dangerous business or young people to get into. I would like to think that every porn worker is properly paid, not demeaned, abused or hooked on drugs. I'm not saying every single person in the industry is a victim, but there are only a few people making huge amounts of money off it and most of them are NOT women.