Nice to see you, Betsy!

Ugh. I'm still dealing with anger and bitterness. I've gotten much much better but it still doesn't seem good enough. But what helped me, perversely, was getting RSI. Getting a zap of physical pain when I get angry makes me have to ask whether it's worth it to be angry.

Have forced myself to make some tracking calls to radio stations. Y'see, music directors generally only have a few office hours per week where artists can call and ask whether their album has made it into the station library and whether they've gotten airplay. No way I can get through KCRW's busy signal. But I managed to get through to a very small indie station and may be getting an email back on that matter.

Now I have to grit my teeth and pay some medical bills.

the next thing coming is going to be a whip with an electrical cord or some wire.

Oh, Jesus. Man, I just want to hug you both forEVER.

I had to learn to let go of my "righteous" anger. I had every reason and right to be angry, but it was making me miserable. And it was going to make me a shitty person and a shitty parent. So. I chose not to be angry.

Huh. Cool.

ION, I'm trying to apply this to the current political situation. Maybe I just need to stop reading political blogs....

I guess I'm so fierce on this issue because I realized that being the angriest dog in the universe just meant my father/family/evil/circumstances won TWICE and I just couldn't have that. In the end, the peace I have in my heart warms me much better than the anger ever did.

That is my feeling about a lot of anger / old resentments, etc. So even if there are people that I won't cry over when they are gone, that is where I try to leave it.

But intersetingly, asthma has my full on anger and hatred. It gets in my way all the time. Diabetes - not so much . I can deal with that one. But there are times when bending over to pick something off the ground can make me out of breath, and that makes me angry. red hot blinding angry. and resentful . and feel that things are unfair. So my current way of dealing with it is to see the anger , feel the anger, acknowledge the anger, and let it go. Letting go is hard, but you don't really breath well when you are angry.

My mother could call her up, if you want. She'll be begging to talk to you, again, Bonny. Let me know if you want a Bad Cop.

Allyson, I hate to say it, but antibiotics may be your only way out of this - a sinus headache that's gone on as long as yours has is probably a sinus infection at its root.

I am so bored at work. I'm looking for some cats to vacuum.

My mother could call her up, if you want. She'll be begging to talk to you, again, Bonny. Let me know if you want a Bad Cop.

It's good to know you have my back, e.

I just wish she could see that the ongoing anger and resistance to change didn't start with her son, or even her marriage.

I sincerely hope the mother can see her way through this. For some of us, it takes years and figuring out who the hell we are while trying to maintain being the mom they need. It took time (re:years of therapy!!) to figure out I was angry with my ex, but he literally cycles with the moon so now I expect it, to being angry with myself for suppressing my orientation to please everyone else. The boy still has good and bad days, but he knows I am his advocate no matter what.

ION I found out this a.m. (thought I suspected for some time now) the kids are being physically bullied by their older, and much larger step-sibling at the ex's house. Ugh. and Shit!

My mom has no patience with stuff like that.