Sorry, no entertaining calls today. Today, i got heart- wrenching sob stories entirely devoid of pithy one liners.

My mother continues to be entertaining via text. She is 100% set on staying a couple night in Forks, WA which i REALLY do not understand, unless she has been reading twilight books in sekrit and has some agenda she is not sharing with me. But really, my mother is not one for not sharing *anything* much less travel agendas. I currently believe she is just not aware of the phenomenon and thinks it a convenient distance between Victoria and Portland. Luckily (?) for me, EVERY SINGLE HOTEL in forks is books solid for the two days we're looking at. Oh well! Gonna have stay a leetle further away from the sparkly 14 yo girls.

Zombie!

Oooh, also a possibility. I could be a cold hearted zombie bastard.

I think that, as the undead, zombies by definition have cold hearts.

t /pedant

I think that, as the undead, zombies by definition have cold hearts.

I'm going to argue that they have room temperature hearts, so a Kalahari Bushman Zombie would be warmhearted.

Hmm. Fair point.

Are there a lot of Kalahari Bushman Zombies?

Are there a lot of Kalahari Bushman Zombies?

Nah. They tend to get hit pretty savagely by crocodiles every year during the Great Zombie Migration.

They tend to get hit pretty savagely by crocodiles every year during the Great Zombie Migration.

Researchers note, with much disappointment, that the crocs don't become zombie crocs, even when bitten back by the Bushmen. "Maybe we can develop a zombie vaccine from the crocodiles," says a scientist from Doctors Without Borders, "but a zombie croc would be SO COOL!!!"

Researchers note, with much disappointment, that the crocs don't become zombie crocs, even when bitten back by the Bushmen. "Maybe we can develop a zombie vaccine from the crocodiles," says a scientist from Doctors Without Borders, "but a zombie croc would be SO COOL!!!"

It's true! Crocodiles are amazingly resilient to infection, and researchers do study them for that very reason. Of course, they're well armoured, so your average zombie would'nt even be able to break the skin. But even for those who manage to bite into some soft tissue, if any animal would resist the zombification it's a crocodile.

I let people talk to me in most situations

I envy you, people who can make others stop talking with them. I never know if a smile would shut them up away from my life faster, or encourage them to keep talking.

Smiling is dangerous.

Who doesn't have an uncle who wanders up and down the street playing a comical musical instrument.

What one needs to do is teach him the Ballad of Serenity or the Man They Call Jayne.