Beautiful color for you, Barb.

I have a serious question, thanks to my overwhelming dislike of conflict/displeasing people:

Among our group of friends, being touchy-feely is the norm, including hugging people in greeting and farewell. What other people do with each other doesn't bug me, but I'm moving more and more towards wanting fairly solid boundaries, and that's come to include I-Like-You-And-Consider-You-A-Friend-But-Please-Don't-Hug-Me.

So how do I express that without coming across as a total dick? These are people who, given the predilection for hugging, I have in fact hugged in the past (or let hug me), and now changing the game is going to seem really weird and bitchy.

But I feel really strongly about this. My boundaries. Mine. My physical self. Mine. Look, I've even decreased the size of my personal bubble from 25 feet to 20, so there's some improvement...

(The last sentence was a joke.)

(My personal bubble is actually 50 feet.)

That was also not a veiled scenario about Buffistas, to be clear. (Because I know I've talked about my issues with large groups, like the F2F, before.) It's totally meatspace people, mostly kinky, who skew towards the stereotype of being indiscriminately touchy-feely and huggy.

What I usually do in those situations, Steph, is just take a step back while putting on a HUGE smile and say "Great to see you!" or something similarly very enthusiastic.

Taser.

Taser

As usual, Scola is wise.

Taser.

Ooh. That's better than my idea, which was "cat-urine perfume."

What I usually do in those situations, Steph, is just take a step back while putting on a HUGE smile and say "Great to see you!" or something similarly very enthusiastic.

I do that, often trying to be holding something (so that my arms are full and therefore cannot hug), but you'd be surprised at the number of people who lunge toward me with outspread arms despite what I thought was a clear Don't-Hug-Me-Or-I'll-Need-Ativan signal.

Heh. Tep, I can tell you that as a hugger (who has hugged you without your consent and I still feel bad*), I would really hate to learn that I had inadvertently made someone I care about and like feel badly. So, I say that you should let people know because they don't want to make you uncomfortable and would feel badly if they knew that they did.

Given your dislike of conflict, I would enlist The Boy to let people know. Something along the lines of "you know, Steph really likes you, but FYI, she doesn't like to be hugged unless she initiates it. I'm pretty much the only one who can do it. She feels really bad about it because she likes you, and doesn't want it to be awkward, so I've decided to let people know."

* I know it's okay, but I still don't like that I was that clueless and caused you discomfort.

Taser.

Or rig up my clothes with the system Batman uses so that if he's unconscious and someone tries to unmask him, they get a severe shock.

It would be effective, geeky, AND cool.