Dude, if you can get an asshook into a live polar bear, then you've earned the right to be self-confident.

And once again, skimming through many posts through a remarkable conversation. I love you people. Seriously.

Never dated. Not in a traditional sense. Was a serial monogamist, never had teh Wild Sex during the times I wasn't involved, mostly because guys weren't interested. Then met Lewis when I was just shy of 22 and that's pretty much been it. The thought of dating and/or putting myself out on the market terrifies the ever lovin' SHIT out of me, even though I suspect I'm better looking and carry myself with more confidence now than I did twenty years ago.

As far as gay friends go, someone coming out to me never twigged me, but that could be because of the summer I spent living with my sister in San Francisco at a Very Formative Age (thirteen). I ran around the Castro and had leather daddies as babysitters who taught me how to shoot pool. So I was scolding people for using "fag" as a putdown long before it became politically correct to do so.

I just recently found out that a good friend of mine back in high school is gay, always has been. Interesting, but it didn't really strike me as a big deal. Wouldn't have guessed it, but it wasn't all that surprising either.

Heh, yeah, I think that was my reaction the first time I discovered someone I knew in high school was gay. I forgot how the conversation went, but we were talking on AIM freshman year of college, I at Rice and he at Caltech, and he was talking about issues he was having with his parents or something, maybe? And I didn't understand what he was talking about, and he was all, "Why do you think I went to a predominantly male school?" It was a funny light bulb.

"Why do you think I went to a predominantly male school?"

Heh. My first year in college I was in a co-ed dorm (at Wazzu). I was considering moving into an all-male dorm my 2nd year, but I didn't make it into a second year. (I had...have...zero self-discipline. I lost a scholarship and came thisclose to failing...ah, those were the days.)

I envisioned an all-male dorm (as a wee, scrawny, shy, geeky closeted proto-goth) as the most exquisite form of self-torture ever.

FORTUNATELY it never happened. I shudder to think what the first couple of months would have been like - but I know that month 3 would have started with the formation of a very large crater and an earth-shattering KABOOM.

Some of my more annoying relatives apparently think I'm gay, because to them only Teh Gay have gay friends and are in favor of gay marriage.

My family thought I was gay for quite a while. This was mainly driven by the fact that I didn't let them know that I was dating anyone at all, or even mention dates, which given my family is really only prudent. I also had a gay roommate for a few years.

Can we send a little job-ma~~~ Matt's way. They've gotten rid of a few people above him, around him, etc. And while he looks safe-- the place is insane at the moment.

Laga, unemployed wouldn't put you out of my dating pool. It's a temporary situation, out of your hands - hardly a defining characteristic. Once upon a better time, a person who didn't have a job might have been iffy, but these days? Not so much.

You make a good point, Zenkitty. I think I still believe anybody must have a car, a job and a home if I'm going to date them. So yeah, I don't want to put myself out there when I'm not meeting my own standards. On the other hand, if I happened to meet someone who seemed interested I wouldn't shove them away.

I also had a gay roommate for a few years.

I didn't know Mark was gay!

(wrong roommate)

The part of dating where I always get confused and nervous and "How the hell am I supposed to deal with this?" is end of first or second date, if the guy asks if I want to go to his place or he can come to my place for coffee or dessert or to "hang out" or watch a movie or whatever. Can't we get some sort of standard that, if you want sex, you say so, and if you're not expecting it, then you also say so, when you ask something like that? Because after just a few dates, my answer for sex will be no, but my answer for actually having coffee or dessert or watching a movie or whatever will probably be yes. And if I say no, then he'll think I'm not interested in him at all when I am, but if I say yes, then I'm risking getting raped and nobody believing me because hey, I was on a date with him and flirting with him and went back to his apartment with him.