I dated quite a lot in high school. It was the 60s and honestly it seemed less complicated then. There were these 3 guys that I had sex with on the first date. Once in 1972, again in 1984, then 1988. I married them all. Apparently I am a marrying kind a girl.

It certainly wasn't my practice to wait until I was married, but I can understand it more now. I used to think that you had to live with someone to know them and know if it would work. Now I am convinced that it is more a matter of commitment. Now how it is that you can know in advance if another person will have the same commitment to the marriage as you do, that I don't know. Tricky it is.

But I was a stupid teenage boy and asked out girls who didn't want to go out with me while being oblivious to the girls who did.

I was like that until my 30s....

So was I...and continued to present.

Well, not so much with the asking out part, these days.

I've never been on a traditional "date." I've been on non-dates, and I've met potential future wives for dinner, which may or may not count.

Otherwise, I just make out on couches. Or a bean bag chair. Or a bed. Or a tree.

I've generally been the "Hello, we're in a relationship" type.

With the singular exception of the one man I actually married. He was already married and I vowed never to get involved, blah, blah, blah.

Through a weird series of events, his first marriage was officially dissolved 23 hours before we wed. He'd been separated for a long time though.

Yesh. When I think back on some of the decisions I've made, I can't express how glad I am to be me now.

Of the two girls I could have gone out with, one I regret because it would have been been a interesting emotional roller coaster until she broke up with me, but wouldn't have been life altering. The other, thank god I didn't, because that could have been life altering in a bad way.

I consider myself lucky. I had one serious relationship in high school, one in college, then my first marriage and now, Jason. In between, however, lots of Teh Sex with various friends, workmates and other lucky LUCKY fellows.

I try not to whine about relationship~ma, since whatever state I'm currently in is entirely by my choice.

Just sometimes I switch from being "alone" to being "lonely", then I revert to 13 and my friends roll their eyes and hug me and say, "This again?"

I'm a goth. I'm the only gay goth (who isn't also a drag queen) in the city. Narrows the options; I have zero interest in the culture than 99% of the guys in Seattle are interested in, and they have zero interest in mine (gaming, computers, literature, INTELLIGENCE). I tried compromise for 5 years with Alfredo, and finally the lie just fell apart.

Bah. BAH. I'm already tired of my whinging.

I thought there was at least one other gay goth in Seattle who wasn't a drag queen*, but the intelligence requirement would knock him out of the running, even if he was your type, which he's not.

So.

* Oblig. "Not that I've been out to anything Gothically Social Not Involving Jilli Since 2004." disclaimer with side disclaimer of of "And before that, it seemed to largely be Oh, Look, Jason's Roped Paul Into Filming a Movie Again, and Jason's Parties Haven't CHANGED Much Since College, Have They?"

I thought there was at least one other gay goth in Seattle who wasn't a drag queen*, but the intelligence requirement would knock him out of the running, even if he was your type, which he's not.

It's possible - but either they're so flimsy they don't register as "goths" to me so much as "dark-clad chiffon scarves in the wrong club - try upstairs in the disco, dear" twinks...or they just don't go to Club V.

There's always Felix, but he's already given me the down-his-nose-stare brushoff. Takes nice photos, and I'll just stick with photos, please - no touching, I might get some on me.

(meeee-ow!)

"dark-clad chiffon scarves in the wrong club

snerk