Vortex, thanks for asking, because I had been wondering the same thing.

I wouldn't be offended by a "Need a hand?" as long as the person saying it waited for me to say what exactly I needed before actually doing anything. People who try to anticipate what I need will almost always get it wrong.

I say the same thing , in the same circumstances as the mom with her hands full of kid. But in the library, where I know the awkward spaces-- I might also mention that something is hard to reach or that a space is tight. I don't get the glare often, but I think that is because of the job. I spend the whole day helping - so my offer to help is just what i do.

I think that is the basic thing: asking. I think it is almost never inappropriate to ask (probably some exceptions). It is providing the help without asking that is inappropriate. Opening a door without asking is probably OK in most cases (not all), but beyond that ask first. I would especially say anything that involves body contact requires asking.

Opening a door without asking is probably OK in most cases (not all)

I open/hold the door for everyone, regardless of gender or abledness, so I hope it's okay!

I think that is the basic thing: asking. I think it is almost never inappropriate to ask (probably some exceptions). It is providing the help without asking that is inappropriate.

I'd go a step farther. To coast off of sj's experience this morning, I would guess that "need a hand" or "can I help you with anything" is not at all the same thing as "can I get you a wheelchair?" But I wouldn't assume something like "can I get that [door or suitcase or whatever] to be automatically objectionable, maybe because it's so task-specific? Hmmm.

Not that this morning's asshole even went that far. And as so often, what it seems to come down to is basic respect and *not assuming you know better what someone needs than they do*. This really shouldn't be that hard a concept.

I've resigned myself to living by the code that works for me and letting the negative responses roll off me. (with an internal 'must suck to be you', more often than I like to admit) I've given up trying to predict whether a helpful gesture will be well received.

I don't know the person's experience, so really can't be offended.

In my neighborhood, if I see someone looking lost I'll ask, "Can I help you find something?" More often than not, they really ARE lost (crazy grid city) but sometimes I get the frosty. I'd rather weather that (no pun intended) than walk past and feel like I could have helped.

I've been accused of being too helpful...to which I like to ask, 'As opposed to what?' because I never assume I know the answer (like wheelchair guy) but I AM compelled to offer assistance if it seems needed. Or, like P-C, it's just the nice thing to do.

Yeah, I don't mind if people ask me if I need help as long as they understand "no". But people that ask other people who are with me instead or don't acknowledge that I can think for myself really piss me off. It's the legs, not the brain, assholes.

Yeah, I don't mind if people ask me if I need help as long as they understand "no". But people that ask other people who are with me instead or don't acknowledge that I can think for myself really piss me off. It's the legs, not the brain, assholes.

Totally.

It's not the same, but when I consulted to the gov't and went to meetings with either peers or subordinates, it ground on me when the ol' boys spoke as if I wasn't in the room. One would literally ask someone ELSE what I thought of something!

I'm in a class right now where our project is to come up with a person who revolutionized something, and then write an article on him/her

Willis Carrier (air conditioning)

Clarence Birdseye (frozen food)

The guys who started Google

Bill Wilson (AA)

Arthur Fry (Post-It Notes)