Oh Teppy, that sucks beyond words. Much job~ma for your mom.

And while I appreciate the love and support of my friends, I do not believe for a second that "it will happen," because the world just doesn't work like that.

Sean, I say this with love, and I wouldn't offer this personal advice here normally but since you keep bringing it up, I'm just going to say it. You have to stop thinking like this. You have to. Because while maybe the world doesn't magically make everything better, it also doesn't magically make everything hopeless, and going around with an attitude of "I'm going to be alone forever" or treating every woman you meet as a potential date and then getting upset when she can't be (for whatever reason) does nothing to help the situation. If you expect good things to happen--or even just hope they will--people see that in you. I feel like lately you're so down on yourself and so determined to believe that nothing good will come that you're creating a self-fulfilling prophecy or, as someone said above, making excuses.

You have to get happy with yourself before you can be truly happy with someone else. I know that's a cliche, but it's true. You seem to be looking to get happiness from someone else, and that isn't a healthy place to be. I get that you are lonely, and I get that you had a hellish relationship with S that really hurt you and made you feel even more alone much of the time, and that sucks. We are here for hairpats and validation that yes, that was horrific, and no one deserved to go through it. We are also here for hairpats and validation that you are smart, fun, funny, and cute--not a troll at all. We aren't lying, but if you refuse to believe it, that's on you.

Just...stop trying so hard. Focus on what makes you happy day to day, be it work or friends or games or whatever. Take opportunities to meet new people every chance you get, and strike up conversations with everyone, not just the girls you think are "cute." You may find the perfect woman inside any number of bodies and faces. Rather than jumping straight to "should I ask her on a date," why not get to know her a bit? And if she is in a relationship, don't instantly discard her as a waste of your time. For one thing, I'd hope that you'd still value another friend, but that woman could also end up having a friend or a sister you'd never have met had you not become friendly with her.

I adore you, Sean, and I want you to be happy. Please let yourself be.

I am reminded of the journalist in the Wire, asked to be two places at once who finally gets disgusted and blurts out "Why not shove a broom up my ass...I'll sweep the floor too." Not that Tep's mom would ever say such things.

Shoe Suggestions Sought

I've purchased this dress for a family wedding. [link]

Any shoe thoughts? I can't wear too much of a heel because of a toe problem. Ugh.

I wish them joy in finding someone who can increase enrollment in this economy. Fuckers.

Mom told me that, apparently, a LOT of the other girls' schools *have* made their enrollment goals, but her ex-school has not. I asked why, and there's a lot of issues that I didn't know about, including that students don't like the way the class day is structured (on a college format), and apparently they have a HUGE bullying problem.

Now, when I went there, there was a LOT of snobbery. I was poor white trash from the country, and I got sneered at a lot, but it wasn't bullying. So I'm aghast at the fact that they're having bullying problems.

So apparently it's not just the economy; apparently they need really good marketing to overcome their bad rep.

I'm impressed with the health insurance.

The school pays half the monthly premium, and will do so for 6 months. (I don't know if half is good or bad, since my company pays my entire premium, and always has. I realize that is EXTREMELY unusual.)

Any shoe thoughts?

Ooh that dress is darling! I'm thinking white strappy sandals.

Any shoe thoughts?

Maybe a silver strappy sandal, something like this: [link]

(Sean, I hope that wasn't too Tough Love. I won't pester you about it or anything. I just felt I had to say it since you've been so miserable about this in thread for the past couple of days.)

Any shoe thoughts? I can't wear too much of a heel because of a toe problem.

I second what Kristin said. I've gotten similar advice in the past, and I'm trying to follow it.

I talked on the phone with my current potential future wife yesterday. She has a nice voice and giggles a lot. So it's nothing thrilling as of yet, but it's not terrible. I just feel like, shouldn't there be someone out there that I think is AWESOME and not just...acceptable? Or is a month of e-mails and one phone call not enough to judge by anyway?

Sean , I 'm going to echo PixKristin and say I'm sorry I couldn't say anything last night. From someone I consider rather woo- woo in thinking I heard the best advice " envision what you want, not what you don't want". You have to move to what you want -- not away from what you don't want.

Matt's traveling today Oddnesses so far. Some one who was dressed old school punk. He has no idea how they got through security. and someone else carrying a guitar, loosely wrapped in bubble wrap.

Ooooh. All sound pretty. I shall watch sales!

It's a princessy dress. And nicely retro. I'd like to wear it with something like this [link] but that is probably too much heel until I get my toesies fixed.

(Which, incidentally, is why I thought of the shoes just now -- Mamma Tep's health insurance. I had to cancel the tootsie surgery when I lost my job last year (right after I told them about the tootsie surgery and accompanying time off). Hmmm...)