hand raised My parents and in-laws get waited on when they visit. I need to visit them more often.

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This whole "helpless male" bullshit annoys the hell out of me.

Back when my wife would sometimes leave or a day or two for church stuff. It would drive me nuts when my MIL worried about me being able to take care of the kids and make dinner and stuff, even though I did that almost every day.

I clean as I cook. I cannot work in a messy kitchen and I hate being faced with a mountain of pots, pans, and dishes at the end of a meal.

I like to clean as I cook too, but I'm rarely able to achieve enough efficiency to avoid stuff to clean at the end.

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My mother comes over and starts cleaning things up that I didn't even notice. I have decided it is too much trouble to stop her.

When TCG's stepmom and dad come over for dinner, she starts to clean up after we eat. Try to discourage this because I think she thinks I should get up and do the same. Usually I have done the meal planning, shopping and cooking, and TCG is going to do the clean up.

I should say that it isn't a sharp divide between what we do. Often TCG will make a salad or do some of the choping, and I'll put away leftovers and anything that needs to go back in the fridge while he is doing dishes.

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DH admits to me very sheepishly that he LOVES it when he comes home and dinner is ready--but that really only happens about 20-30% of the time.

That is also the percentage of breast cancers that overexpress HER2!!

...Sorry, I've been researching for my cancer pharmacology workshop.

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Okay, hivemind, give me some advice.

I have an old friend - she was in fact the MoH at my wedding. We are mostly in touch via FB now because she lives in OK but just moved this weekend to DC. I would love to see her and her kids. (eta: and I'll be in DC for three weeks this summer while Joe goes to a course.) But, about five years ago, her husband, who I also considered a friend, was in Colorado when I lived there, for some Army stuff and while he was there, he made several statements about how he had feelings for me. I said thanks, but no thanks, and we left it at that. Until he sent me this email about how I shouldn't have been offended because he *loved* me. And Joe read the email and got sort of upset.

We, Joe and the kids and I, will be in DC this summer and my friend, having read about it on FB, said she wants us to get together. I really like her a lot but I do not want to re-hash this crap with anyone - either her husband or Joe. I really don't think Joe would care anymore but I still would rather not have to rehash it, you know?

So, I'm thinking I will just tell her that only Joe will be in DC for the course and avoid FB for those three weeks. That's the best option, right?

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Stephanie can you tell her Joe will be super busy at that time but you would love to do lunch with just the two of you and maybe the kids?

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That's the other thing I was thinking about and it's actually true. Joe will have to be studying probably almost every evening we are there and we have two weddings and a trip to NC planned for the three weekends we will be there. (I think I might die of exhaustion after this move.) So it's true. Maybe I should do that.

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they were both raised in near poverty so by habit only cook very basic foods. I've had to teach myself how to use spices and fresh ingredients with a little more flair.

This describes my mother. She has never been that great of a cook. As a kid, she was raising three of us alone, and had multiple jobs, so we kids learned to cook at a young age. She never really used spices. I did. It was like chemistry class. One time, when I was visiting from college, she made me some meatballs and said "I know you like them with some spice, so I added extra flavor for you". Ya. That pinged the radar. The meatballs were saturated with a TON of garlic powder. Even worse, garlic powder that had been sitting over the stove for YEARS and was clumpy and far from fresh. She could see from the first bite, and was like "ooo, too much??" um, ya.

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We RESPECT each others interests but don't have to pretend to love it.

Exactly. And occasionally be a good sport (no pun intended) about participating/watching it. I would not, for example, expect an SO to come see every show at my theatre, but maybe come to the occasional opening night party or whatever.

(By which I mean Not Allowed To Leave The House level of stay indoors?)

In my family, the mother doesn’t leave the house for the first two weeks, and the baby doesn’t leave for the first six weeks. Seems to be working so far. I won’t fight if and when the time comes.

When my parents got married, my mom didn’t know how to cook (her mom was a control freak that wouldn’t let anyone else do anything, so she was a little sheltered). My dad knew how to cook, he was the child of a single mother who worked. So, my dad taught my mom to cook. When she got the hang of it, she took over, and is a great cook. When she went back to school when Bro and I were in high school, we all cooked one night a week. It became a competition of sorts (in my family? Really? Shocking!) who could make the best meal that week. (Fridays were tacos or pizza or the like, and Mom cooked on weekends)

My mom also made sure that my brother knew how to clean a house and my dad made sure that I knew how to mow the lawn. There was no gender assigned work in our house. We had chores, and we did them. And look, two totally self sufficient adults!

I'm much more likely to come home to a clean house and some nummy takeout, which is JUST FINE TOO.)

Hell, I’d prefer that. I like to cook, but I HATE to clean. I can and do do it, but I don’t like it

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Yeah, I'd try to hook up with the woman and kids and avoid the husband at all costs. Does her husband work days? Oh, Frisco's early bedtime means you can't meet up for dinner or in the evenings, but a morning out with the kids would be great!

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