And then there's my situation, where I've had well-meaning but utterly condescending people tell me what a "catch" I am simply because I love baseball.

To this day, Lewis gets the "Damn you're lucky—" when sports come up in conversation and I'm involved. Dude, I loved football and baseball and any number of other sports before Lewis. (Hell, I was the jock, not him.)

And when I travel, if I have time before I leave, I'll make him a brisket or pork loin or something he can nibble on/use in various ways, but if I don't, then he's completely on his own. First time I did that, my mother was appalled. She was like, "What did you leave Lewis to eat?" and I responded, "Made sure he had plenty of money-- gas in the car is up to him." (Since he can never remember the ATM pin code.) She thought that was terrible, but then again, my marriage has lasted longer than any of hers.

This whole "helpless male" bullshit annoys the hell out of me.

Me too.

You are a fucking adult. Either you learn to fend for yourself or you find a way to get what you want by yourself. I don't understand why it's acceptable for men not to be able to take care of themselves or to do anything other than sit on their asses and be waited on. Learn how to cook, clean or whatever, or pay someone to do it for you.

I agree.

I am the youngest of seven. With the exception of Janice, who never made it past her first birthday, the rest of us were raised with the example of both parents being fully capable of taking care of us. It's true that in general for a long time Dad was working long hours as a mechanic and mom kept house, but that was more of a rural upper-midwest thing than a matter of choices for a long time. When they had time together, the balance shifted and he was right in there with her.

We were all raised with an independent spirit, and cooperation and collaboration built-in. We learned by example that both parents could do things other families seemed to never have crossover skills. (My mom loved mowing the lawn, it got her away from us!)

I am the youngest, and none of us thought it was wrong or even odd that mom went out and got a job as the last of us got old enough. With all of us old enough to cook, clean, patch our own pants, mow the lawn, wash clothes and various other activities she had more free time and liked staying busy. It probably explains why she's still up and going strong over 80 years, now. (Well, limping a bit for now, but her ankle is getting better...Stupid attack crabs.)

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My father taught me how to cook. I vividly remember my mother charring the pot the one time she tried to make soup from a mix, rather than a can. I think she took great pride in *attempting* to cook for her family, but in reality by the time i was 7 i was preparing about 80% of my meals (not including school lunches, which were purchased by the week.

I think everyone would appreciate coming home to a meal already prepared and waiting, but that doesn't mean it's some sort of entitlement for omnivorous husbands :)

It's kind of like the way that my brother gets pissed off when someone says that he's "babysitting" his daughter. He says "I'm not "babysitting", I'm parenting my child!"

This terminology - fathers "babysitting" their own children - makes me see red.

I think everyone would appreciate coming home to a meal already prepared and waiting, but that doesn't mean it's some sort of entitlement for omnivorous husbands :)

Totally this. On the rare occasions when DH is home early and I'm working late, I love coming home to an already prepared dinner. But it's not a situation either of us is allowed to take for granted.

(And in practice, since DH is skittish about cooking anything other than the five or six dishes he knows really well, I'm much more likely to come home to a clean house and some nummy takeout, which is JUST FINE TOO.)

What I really need is a full time housekeeper who can also go shopping for me when I realize I've forgotten to buy milk or garlic or (like today) flank steak. (We're having flank steak sandwiches tonight. I bought everything I need for the sauce and the marinade. I bought pita bread. Guess what I didn't buy?) So I think the sensible solution is for me to become fabulously wealthy overnight.

I think everyone would appreciate coming home to a meal already prepared and waiting, but that doesn't mean it's some sort of entitlement for omnivorous husbands :)

Yep. What grates is when it's a gendered entitlement -- the ready meal is all good.

I got lucky. My MIL, who is in almost every way a very traditional gender roles type, married a man who couldn't and WOULD not cook, clean, or do anything else to help around the house. So, since FIL turned out to be unteachable, she decided that her son wasn't ever going to pull that crap on the woman he grew up to marry and taught him to be a little more self-sufficient.

(And I was raised by a single dad. No room there for wacky ideas that it's mom's job to do all that housekeeping stuff.)

I like my life.

Awwww. Congrats on the graduate school! We have an actuary friend who went back and got his MSF--he seemed to enjoy the program.

She is getting heaps of rest, which is just as well, because the schedule of providing milk for the little bub looks pretty brutal to me.

It really is. I'm glad she has such strong support. I'm so thrilled for you guys. I hope Ryan can avoid the ick. It sucks when they get ill that small and congestion just messes with their ability to nurse. Plus you have to use the dreaded Nose Sucker of Doom.

Miracleman, congrats on college! It's like riding a bike!

Although both my parents are competent in the kitchen, they are far from adventurous--they were both raised in near poverty so by habit only cook very basic foods. I've had to teach myself how to use spices and fresh ingredients with a little more flair.

Hil, my partner and I eat very different diets, as she's pre-diabetic and eats a lot of meat and vegetables, whereas I live on pasta and other crap. We manage just fine. I'm sure today's men can not only fend for themselves, but also won't be basing their decision to marry you on whether your diets are similar or not.

OMG, people, I'm having such attendant drama right now.

Attendants as in personal care attendants? Their drama always sucks. I hope yours get their drama resolved. I currently hate all three of mine (it comes and goes - sometimes I love them - mostly they're just annoying). They do marvellously clever things like failing to inform me that I'm running out of something essential in the kitchen, or using my housemates' laundry powder (when they know better), and so on. Little things, but highly irritating. I like being in total control of everything (and it's not like they weren't warned of this before taking the job with me). They do not help with that. OK, rant done.

We trade off on the cooking and often we cook together. If neither one of us feels like cooking, we'll get takeout or eat cereal.

I would not do well in a relationship that was based on me working full time and being the primary cooking entity.

You are a fucking adult. Either you learn to fend for yourself or you find a way to get what you want by yourself.

So much this. My husband may play videogames and wear weird Woot T-shirts every day, but he is one of the most adult-minded people I know. (I know this isn't a contradiction here, but it can be in other situations, especially family ones.) Also refreshingly free of gender role bullshit.

I would actually have no problem with doing most of the cooking, as long as I was not the person doing most of the cleaning. I like cooking, and I'm pretty good at it. I hate cleaning, and I'm horrible at it.