On a totally different note, a few days ago, my mother kept giving me all kinds of hypothetical questions about what I'd do if my husband wanted meat for dinner. She didn't think that "then he can cook it himself" was a good enough answer. She told me that the wife of the rabbi at our synagogue is vegetarian, but the rabbi isn't, and the rabbi was mostly OK with it, but really felt like Friday night dinners should have meat, so they compromised on having meat for Friday night dinners, but everything in the house would be vegetarian for all other meals. She asked if I'd be OK with that, and I said I wasn't sure. Then she gave me a ton of other scenarios, and apparently my answer to all of them was wrong.
Do I really need to have proxy arguments with my hypothetical husband before I even meet him?
Do I really need to have proxy arguments with my hypothetical husband before I even meet him?
Yes. Because anyone you'd marry wouldn't have that argument, because he'd find "cook it himself" to be a perfectly sensible solution, JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER VEG/NON-VEG MIXED MARRIAGE I KNOW. So you have to have these arguments with your mother, or else you'll never have the opportunity to have them at all.
Because anyone you'd marry wouldn't have that argument, because he'd find "cook it himself" to be a perfectly sensible solution, JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER VEG/NON-VEG MIXED MARRIAGE I KNOW.
Response from Mom: What if he can't cook? What if he's really not happy unless he comes home to a meal, and he wants that meal to have meat? (In Mom-world, professional chefs are the only men who can cook, it seems.) She also responded to several of my answers with "Shalom bayis," which is basically Jewish-speak for "It's more important to have a peaceful home than to be right." I already expect "shalom bayis" lectures from my mom when I do eventually get married and have arguments with my husband; I don't need these lectures in hypothetical arguments!
Poor Hil. Your mom is just worried about you getting married. Which is crazy-making and silly of course, but luckily has little to do with any actual arguments you may one day have with your hypothetical husband.
I once had to listen and respond politely while a co-worker insisted that I needed to start watching baseball so I could feign interest in the topic for my husband. Otherwise we wouldn't have anything to talk about, she said. I suggested I might wind up marrying a man who didn't like baseball, but she was adamant that it was a necessity.
Oy, Hil. I suppose, "He could always throw something in the crockpot before he goes off to work," wouldn't fly, would it?
What if he can't cook? What if he's really not happy unless he comes home to a meal, and he wants that meal to have meat? (In Mom-world, professional chefs are the only men who can cook, it seems.)
My current potential future wife is vegetarian, and I have these questions myself!
But I agree the hypotheticals are a little out of hand if you don't even have a specific person to be hypothetical about first.
Suzi, I'm so sorry for your loss.
In MM news: I have now completed my first week of college in twenty years. I am appalled and abashed that some skills are rustier than I thought ("This comes with a side of humility? Oh, fine...I guess I'll eat it...") but feel more alive than I have in...quite some time.
That. Is all.
I think my mom expects all men to be like my dad in the kitchen -- he really can't cook. He can make spaghetti and scrambled eggs, and that's about it.
Also, my parents have several new neighbors who are people I went to school with, with their spouses and toddlers. Mom wants grandkids. (We also had discussions about raising kids vegan or vegetarian. I was actually able to reassure her that that's healthy -- partially by spouting enough nutritional stuff that saw that I knew what I was talking about, and partially by showing her some photos of vegan kids. So she now doesn't have to worry about her hypothetical grandkids being malnourished.)
