Speaking of gifts, a pal of mine from our Japanese office (Hideyuki) brought me THE most adorable Hello Kitty watch you've ever seen! It's delicate and pink and has the teeniest Hello Kitty head on the hour hand. LOVES IT!! He is always trying to help me get a work trip to Japan. He's the nicest.

You were in my thoughts. You were present to me even though you were far away."

I think of gift giving as a form of communication. Although I don't play them very often now -some of my favorite CDs were given to me by DH. Music is part of Matt's life blood. He pick out music for me -- and I really liked what he picked.

found that want was more fun than get.

Hmmm, must be why I'm still single

ha - DH would say his life would be easier if I used the word want more.

There's a big difference between not wanting to make a list and being happy with what you get (which is what our Buffistas-who-dislike-lists sound like), and knowing what you want and not telling people when they ask because they have to guess.

Yeah, this is key.

Here's where I stand, more or less. I don't particularly like being asked because it's kind of a pain in the ass - I'm sure there are specific things I do want but coming up with them to make a list?

And there is the less logical, more lizard-brain side to it where I do kind of feel like I'm assigning you something to purchase for me. that makes me uncomfortable. Even more though, I like the unknown of it all. I'd simply rather be surprised than get what I've requested.

But - and this is key - this is not a test. You don't always get the best thing ever, and then sometimes you do, and sometime you get competely random shit you didn't even know existed. And that's good! That's part of the fun.

And on the giving side - I don't always have the time, or energy, or inspiration to get that best ever thing either, but it's so amazing when you do. And if you don't, chances are unless you're completely out there (bubble wrap?) you done pretty good anyway.

Or else people get a story to tell for the next twenty years, which is kind of it's own reward anyway.

The point of gift-giving (to me, and not a comment or judgment on anybody else's gift-giving) is to think about the other person. To have them in mind.

I certainly am thinking about them even though I also know specifically what they want.

Shopping with a list (so as to give the person what they want) is NOT walking the ball over to the hole and dropping it in. I fail to see how shopping with a list is akin to cheating. I also fail to see the implied virtue in list-free shopping, as though the gift means more because you had to work harder by continuing to putt at the windmill.

Hec's philosophy of gift-giving is what I aspire to generally, and especially for birthdays and Christmas and the occasional random just-because present.

But I've just realized, reading all these posts, that I categorize wedding and baby shower and housewarming presents totally differently: those are occasions on which, while there's a lot of joy, there's also a huge amount of Life Changingness and metric assloads of stress. In those cases, it's really truly all about easing someone's transition into the shape of their new life, and, as Trudy said, being part of the community that helps to build it.

eta: And, in the case of people like Teppy whose family traditions include lists for even what I think of as non-list occasions? I take the list and I'm happy for it, because part of "You were present to me" is You-- the actual you and your actual preference for lists, not just the image of you in my head that tallies perfectly with my own preferences.

My mother would love a roll of bubblewrap. Seriously.

But - and this is key - this is not a test. You don't always get the best thing ever, and then sometimes you do, and sometime you get competely random shit you didn't even know existed. And that's good! That's part of the fun.

And on the giving side - I don't always have the time, or energy, or inspiration to get that best ever thing either, but it's so amazing when you do. And if you don't, chances are unless you're completely out there (bubble wrap?) you done pretty good anyway.

What Brenda said.

(bubble wrap?)

I didn't even tell you about the time she asked for him to look out for local handspun yarns when he was going on a business trip and wrote on the list, "NO EARTH TONES". And he came back with beautiful yarns in natural, wheat and grey. We had a big laugh over it.

My MiL asked for clothes one year because she was starting to interview and didn't have any nicer, professional-looking items. I spent two hours at Lane Bryant picking outh things for her, according to the sizes she stated. I chose trousers that hung straight from her hip so that they could be altered easily as she is only 4'11". I spent so much time trying to make sure she looked nice for her interviews only to have her say, "I can't wear any of this. None of it fits and the pants are way too long and I can't afford to have them altered and so I just returned everything. Thanks anyway."

Now? She is exclusive Amazon list.

On Joe's side, it is almost all Amazon, except for a few special things. Usually comic-related for Joe and Wizard of Oz for me. On my side, if you give my mom a list, she uses that as a guide of what NOT to buy you. But, she is an awesome gift giver.

Or else people get a story to tell for the next twenty years, which is kind of it's own reward anyway.

I love the bubble wrap idea.

I always joke about the year my sister gave me a towel. It was actually an awesome idea and I still have it (it was in the form of a Paris metro ticket), but I love giving her sh*t for giving me a towel. I'm sure she also gave me Tiffany jewelry that year, but that seems to have been forgotten.

My mom, too. We have a Thing about it. with some people, I feel uncomfortable with my list. It makes me feel that they think I am into Stuff and just happen to have this cavalcade of expensive wants which I must share. It makes me embarrassed. OTOH, having one has improved my gift-satisfaction... although it is still great to be wowed from out of left field, too. ETA: This post has so many viewpoints, it's bloody useless. That's why I'm not a bigger star on dailykos, huh?