I think a list is helpful as long as it is, well, more of a guideline than a rule. It helps one know what NOT to get, to avoid stuff like buying a friend Georgette Heyers because she loves them, but ending up getting her ones she already had, which happend with my BFF's 50th and made a carefully chosen gift way less exciting than it could have been.

But what's wrong with asking "Hey, do you have [x] already?" Which is a simple question with a yes/no answer. As opposed to "What do you want for Arbor Day?" which is totally open-ended and kind of puts the person on the spot if they're *not* the kind of person who has a mental wish list on them at all times.

And then, there's the issue of how many wrong ways there are to answer that question, depending on the spirit in which it's asked. Some people want a straight answer and a list of stores where Item X is available. Some people want a class of objects. Some people want you to say "Oh, whatever you want will be fine!" And it's almost never okay to answer "Nothing" even if that's the only truthful answer you can give. Feh. Better to avoid the whole conversation.

I HAVE to give my MiL a list. If I don't, I end up with a LOT of useless crap that I feel guilty for donating to Goodwill.

C and I don't really exchange gifts on holidays or birthdays, but we do try to get each other something when we travel separately or Just Because. Most of the holiday/birthday spending is focused on the kids.

In my family, we stopped exchanging gifts between adults and only buy for kids (usually in a group effort).

Owen's wearing his new, sparkly, Hannah Montana t-shirt.

For our anniversary this year, E and I are having the apartment professionally cleaned. Seriously.

My mother asked me what food I wanted her to bring me when she comes in tomorrow. "Oh, whatever you want," I told her. Bad ita! Bad, bad ita! But she's my mother and just as airily replied that she doesn't want to bring me anything and she's much too old for this and if she had Gucci luggage she'd never bring anyone food ever again.

Stay tuned--in just over 24 hours I'll be able to tell you what the result of that conversation really was.

Ugh. Gift giving is so stressful. I wish my parents would give me a list because they a.) have everything they want/need and b.) are too hard to buy for. Then again, my mom always asks what I want and I almost always say, "I can't think of anything." Totally true. Though for my last b-day I did say there was a pair of shoes on Zappos that I wanted and, God bless her, she went on there and bought them even though she is majorly computer-challenged.

I have no problem with lists (or a specific suggestion), but find that I rarely have access to one or have one to offer. I tried a few years ago to have my mom take the money she would spend for my gift and purchase toys for Toys for Tots (which I would truly, honestly love), but she wouldn't go for it.

In related news, I picked up the most hilarious/perfect gift for my dad over the weekend. He's a HUGE Georgia Bulldogs fan and I came across this antique looking (read, not antique) clock with a bulldog on a cushion below it. So perfect! Bwah!

For our anniversary this year, E and I are having the apartment professionally cleaned. Seriously.

Oh my god. I think I just swooned. I would LOVE that.

I just wasn't expecting so many people to actively disdain the use of lists when shopping for gifts, and be offended when asked for their gift preference.

I don't think you should feel like a shitheel, or that you're doing anything wrong or lesser at all.

But this:

I meant people who dislike being asked what they want, because that means the other person doesn't know you well enough to find a gift that suits you to a T and captures the essence of your relationship and commemorates whatever holiday it also happens to be.

is kind of loaded and might account for whatever tone you're picking up in the responses.

Because, apparently, if you buy books for people that don't read, you are calling them a moron and gift-wrapping it.

I did not know this! But I can already think of some people for whom shopping will be a lot more entertaining going forward.

I'm not really into lists. But I think that is because I really don't have a lot of wants. DH says it is hard to shop for me -- because I don't say i want very often. I think I do -- but I rarely go on and on about it. and since I am not a big shopper, f I said I wanted some thing 6 months ago, I probably still haven't bought it. I do have an amazon wish list -- but no one seems to want to use it.( DH does and one of his brothers uses it). DH usually has a list of things he wants -- often tools -- and I usually get something off of it. But I like to find something that surprises him. My mom asks for lists -- but she doesn't necessarily mean anything will be bought off of it.

As a child -- we put together XMAS list-- but the y wer fantasy list -- everything was on on them. One year I got a doll that was on my list-- she rode a bike-- and I found she was rather boring and unfun and hard to play with -- plus batteries are uncuddely. And I found that want was more fun than get.

I have to say I feel rude asking for things. And I don't want anyone to feel obligated. DH is the only person that I really want a present from, but what I want from him are things like -- turning off both of the cellphones for a few hours. or a day where there are No social obligations.

But I also get that some people want to give me things - and they want to give me something I want. so I try to give an idea of somethings.

I love gift certificates. I see them as a double gift -- a chance to indulge myself and the actual item I buy. and for the difficult people -- giving a GC plus a little something else( favorite jam ) works.

I like giving gifts -- except a Christmas. It can be too overwhelming. But one of dh's brothers gave me a great idea. he gives consumable gifts -- food, magazines subscriptions, etc. that can be tossed when you are done with them. I give a lot of food gifts now Or things like LUSH. Or plants/flowers. Wreaths

My MIL often gives Omaha steaks. yum

My favorite thing to give -- books. and I'm good at it. 95% of the time I get people coming back to me saying how much they enjoyed the book.

I think gift giving can be complicated. and I don't think it should be. If you have a list -- cool. It gives me a place to start. A co-worker had a list of baby stuff. I bought stuff on her list and a whole bunch of board books that weren't on her list.

My mother asked me what food I wanted her to bring me when she comes in tomorrow. "Oh, whatever you want," I told her.

This is always the question when I go to my parents' -- what do I want to eat? Just yesterday, I saved my mother days of fretting when I told her I want some fried seafood over Labor Day. It's like a magic request, because it can turn into a whole day trip to the town where she grew up in RI for fried clams etc.

I love it when I find a perfect gift for somebody - you see it and know it but so often I have no idea what people have or where their heads are at so a list is just helpful.