MM, you should answer the phone:
Hello and thank you for calling [company name] If you are calling because you do not have a W-2, we are unable to give you a copy today, our W-2s are not produced by this office. You must either come in to the office with picture ID and a money order or cash for $12.50, or mail us your name, etc with a check or money order for $12.50, we cannot take orders over the phone. In both cases, it will take up to 2 weeks for you to receive your W-2. If you are calling for any other reason, please press 1 now.
then make some fun clicking sounds and say "this is Joe, how can I help you"
I'm more tempted to answer the phone:
Hello and thank you for calling [company name] If you are calling because you do not have a W-2, we are sorry, but you are a fucking moron. To receive this vitally important information that was sent to you months ago but you probably threw it away because it wasn't your latest issue of "Nekkid Chicks You Will Never Ever Bang" magazine, you must either come in to the office with picture ID, a money order or cash for $12.50, and a large sign around your neck proclaiming you to be King (or Queen) of the Dumbasses; or mail us your name, etc with a check or money order for $12.50 and your severed pinky finger as a sign of atonement. We cannot deal with your whiny shit over the phone. In both cases, it will take up to 2 weeks for you to receive your W-2, so suck it, loser. If you are calling for any other reason, please press 1 now.
And then, no matter what they press, I will hang up.