It seems to work pretty well. He's a pretty high energy kid but isn't so much a troublemaker. Well, except when in cahoots with his parents...

They use a stoplight model borrowed from the preschool. Basically, if he has a "green" day, he gets a star or whatever that counts towards some highly desired/obsessed over goal. He doesn't have to be an angel all day or anything. He can go from a red in the morning (he starts each day with a blank slate) back to green by the end. He just gets warned "you are turning yellow, D. " So it is sort of negative consequence, but over a longer term.

He does still get an immediate consequence. But this can shut down a ramp up where the threat of an immediate negative consequence really doesn't so well. I guess the long term consequences matter more to him than the prospect of getting sent to his room or losing an activity right then.

I see how it could go wrong (associating good behavior with a treat all the time, rather than that old "good behaviour is its own reward" thing) but it seems to work for this kid's personality. I think it really depends on the kid.

I think my parents used something similar with me, but I'm not sure. I remember putting gold stars on a calendar. Wouldn't surprise me. I don't ever recall being terribly impressed with the threat of being sent to my room, grounded or whatever.

Sara, we did something similar with CJ when he was in 1st grade. His teacher would send home a weekly summary, each day either had a smiley face, a straight face, or a frowny face. We had treats for 3 smiley's, 4 smiley's, and 5 smiley's. They were very minor treats, but it helped. Yes, good behavior should be its own reward, but really - in real life, when you behave well, there are more apt to be treats than not, right?

There has been discussion on my adoption board about people putting lima beans into jar for good behavior or events and when the jar is full they get a big treat.

I rarely take something away right at that moment, it is usually something in the future.

I thought last week's Ugly Betty is the last new episode.

Some of the time, anyway. Heh.

I do know some kids who it would likely not work for.

I rarely take something away right at that moment, it is usually something in the future.

I think Em's too young to see past right now. As she gets older, we'll probably work that in.

I really like the stoplight model, too. But again, once she's older.

Yeah, I think kids have to have some comprehension of future before it really works effectively. Without that, it is too abstract to have any meaning.

Hell, even with it, some of us still go fuckit.

Hell, even with it, some of us still go fuckit.

I frequently get a case of the "fuckits".

For when aurelia is around -- if it actually is in the 20s tomorrow and not a total snowpocalypse, what do you think about Singha for dinner? Or we could do Mexican again.

Eve is still not very well able to deal with either punishments or future rewards, and she's nearly 4.5. We don't, frankly, have a very good technique for her, aside from giving lots of attention even when she is at her worst (especially when she is at her worst).

Both my kids went through a phase of hitting themselves when thwarted at about 18 months (Peter is still there, but then than a few weeks ago). Interesting that it's a persisting thing with Eth kids.