I'm too far away to see any captions.

And seriously - cutting hair blindfold?

They have very brave models! Oy!

I hope they let the stylists fix the cuts now, you know?

Shit, yeah! Those poor women! All of those needed fixing, just some more than others. Oshun's model needs a pixie, now.

Oshun is already annoying. So far I like Nicole, but I think I mostly like her hair.

Me, too. I think I've got a thing for guys/girls with short, blonde hair.

Yeah, a super-blonde pixie cut is always adorable. And she's young, so. I like her!

This cartoon challenge could be a major train wreck. Yay!

Why, why, why do these women agree to be models if they aren't willing to have it get fucked up? Seriously, it's hair, it GROWS. Yeesh.

So before I even get into SYTYCD, can we talk about Rene? Rowrrrr! The man is a little slice of badly accented heaven.

Now, for SYTYCD.

Kherington and Twitch - OK, several eight counts in and they haven’t even started dancing yet. And Kherington continues to smile inappropriately through the entire routine. I enjoyed it, but it wasn’t exactly what you’d call challenging. This is not better than what you would see in a moderately challenging open hip hop class at a decent studio. I didn’t hate it. But I didn’t really like it, either. She did a good job with it for the most part. Except the shoulder part which was ridiculous. Just too much posing and mugging in the routine. And Shankman brings some real critique, finally. I don’t know what kind of monkey crack the judges are smoking, but this routine was not all that. Twitch was great but both Kherington and the choreography were just fair to middlin’.

Courtney and Gev – Rhumba? Huh. I would’ve bet money they’d get hip hop this week, but nope another close hold partner dance. Oh my god! Gev’s secret is so amaaaaazing! He really did look like a tiny, very pretty little girl. These two are a miniature ball of adorable together. I am in love with this couple. Melanie gets a last name!!! And she speaks!! Finally, they recognize. So Gev’s posture and carriage are unreal, for anyone, not just for a hip hop dancer. He looks amazing in this. I thought that was so beautiful. And definitely the most technically difficult Rhumba I’ve seen on the show. (BTW, Show, get off of Dom’s jock) The wardrobe was really great as well. Loved the choreography, loved the dancing, loved them and everything about them. And I am really loving on the Shankman. Can we have him on the show every week? He talks to the dancers like they are dancers. I love it.

Cat is on fire tonight! So snarky! And she is wearing half of a wedding dress.

Chris and Comfort – Alright, let’s give Big Pasty one last chance to bring it. Damn, they brought out the picture of Comfort with the Tootie mushroom –do. That’s cold. Hmm, I normally really like Tasty doing jazz. His Pasha/Baby Oil Girl bird jazz from last season was one of my faves. This could be good. Weird. They have no intensity or fire in this piece. The choreo is really interesting, but they are both just . . . boring dancers. They’re doing the steps fine but I just . . . hmm. I wish I had liked that more and I can’t put my finger on why I didn’t. Wow, Nigel completely nailed it. No power behind the moves. The judges are so on point with their critiques on this routine. Sad for them.

Doriana? Noooo. Make it stop! Confession time, y’all. I will watch Dirty Dancing any time it’s on TV and no matter when I come into the movie, even if there’s only a minute left. And every time I watch, I try and figure out which one was Doriana. I always think I know which one it is but then I second guess myself. And then I get really sad because I look at what she’s become now and I mourn for her younger self, whichever multi-ethnic camp kid she was.

Will and Jessica – He called her Miss Sanchez. Soooo cute! Yep, he’s a total dance studio brat. OMG, the costumes are sooo much better this week. Now if only the cameraman would also step up. Seriously, Will is so good. He is really just blowing her away. You just kinda don’t watch her at all because he is fan-freaking-tastic. The whole routine was actually going pretty well until she totally biffed that death drop. But he’s so strong as a partner that they still pulled it back together. Yeah, overall that was so not good. And it was mostly her fault. Will did own it. Why are the judges giving this couple the soft sell? A little reverse psychology? Boy, I really think Shankman should just be around all the time because he is making Mary and Nigel bring real shit to say and upping the level of the commentary considerably. Once again they were on point that what draws the eye to Will, aside from his amazing (continued...)

( continues...) technique, is his total commitment in every piece he dances. He embraced the cheese. He was the cheese. I still want Jessica gone.

Kourtni and Matt – Oh my. The guest choreographer is insane. She looks like the lead singer from Bow Wow Wow. Super interesting choreo. Total commitment to the dance. I really, really liked that. I thought they danced incredibly well. The costumes sucked ass, but that’s my only dig. Still, somehow, not really caring about this couple. They’re very pretty dancers, but they’re not stars, no?

Thayne and Chelsea - Chelsea just did the Martha shoulder shake. I hated it when Martha did it then and I hate it now. I hope that doesn’t mean she’s going to dance to Gwen Stefani in an old gramma hat for her elimination solo tomorrow night. Aww, this was vey bad, as quick step almost always is. I wish they’d stop having this style on the show because only Cam and Lacey from last season have ever really done it well. Their foot work is awful. There’s no flow around the floor. Thayne looks like a hopping chicken and Chelsea can’t hold her top line. Eeesh. Really, really bad. I definitely sense another trip to the B3.

Chelsie and Mark – I would be scared for these two, but I have seen Mark doing hip hop in his youtube videos and he is so good it’s scary. What? Of course I troll youtube for video of the dancers. Doesn’t everyone? I just adored that piece. They just smashed it. My, oh wow!! I always love Mark but Chelsea was a revelation in this. It was so good. I don’t even have any words. The show is on fire tonight. Crazy fire. I’m in love with this couple. That one move where she puts her arm out to the side and his head travels down to rest on her shoulder? Ridiculous. I wanna see that again right now. Lyrical hip hop is a great way to label that, with way more lyrical than hip hop. Totally my new favorite of the season. Tabitha and whatshisname are very hit or miss for me. They did the Josh/Katee hip hop, which I also adored, but then they haven’t done anything else I’ve liked. Again, again!

Joshua and Katee – Oh, Katee. Everyone can tell Joshua is a sweetheart. That’s not a secret, baby. Joshua’s secret about Katee was amusing, though. Ah, a true challenge for these two. Let’s see how they do. It was creditable and they are really cute and likeable together, so that goes a looong way. Ewwww. Nigel is really. . . oh god. The thing with the dad and the show me your culo? I am sooo uncomfortable right now. Back to the dancing, Katee was really good, better than Joshua but he held his own. Overpraised much? I thought Kourtni and Matt were much better. Points for degree of difficulty, maybe?

Top Three – Now and forever Chelsie and Mark. They can do no wrong in my book. I’ve gotta put my little love bunnies Courtney and Gev here, but that’s just because I like me some them. I actually think the other two here should be Kourtni and Matt who were technically flawless and Twitchington even though it pains me to type it and she still had that cheese eating grin pasted on the whole damn dance. I could also see an argument for Joshua and Katee here who were not technically brilliant but are just so darn likeable. (Katee likeable, what?)

Really, though, I loved the whole show tonight. I was tremendously entertained by the entire thing. Even the judges. Well, until Nigel started to sexually harass Joshua’s dad. He desperately needs an attitude adjustment.

Bottom Three – Well, Big Pasty and Comfort and Thayne and Chelsea are gimmes. The other one is really tough. Will and Jessica were actually not great, despite what the judges were selling, so it certainly could be them. I thought Kourtni and Matt danced really strongly tonight, but have to agree with Nigel that folks just might not get it – and they are hella boring. So it could easily be them, too. And I’m not sure that anyone else loves Courtney and Gev as much as I do, so they might also see B3 again this week.

Going (continued...)