Boooo.

Also: SHUT UP, both Mike Isabella and Richard Blais.

no SHIT. I'm tired of both of them.

If Mike Isabella wins this season, I may never watch again. Blech.

JLo manages to make a cheesy Stevie Nicks leopard print dress look sexy in a Xanadu kind of way. I hate IGB so of course I hate IGB: Japan Edition. What do I love though? Steven Tyler’s continued journey through the ladies department at Filene’s Basement. How many ruffled, patterned shirts do you think this fool actually has?

Ryan’s hair is out of control. We do not like. JLo’s hair is looking less sparkly this week, too. Like she needs some Prell or something.

Kids? Sigh. Wardrobe, hair and makeup people, please call your Narcotics Anonymous Sponsors. The program only works if you work it.

Songs from the year of your birth? Already? We usually don't get to this crappy theme until post-Top 10, no?

Naima/1984/What’s Love Got to Do With It/Tina Turner – I love her multi-culti Arrested Development family. But she did pick a good song. I absolutely think she could do well with this. Couch time with Jimmy IV? I can do without it. She’s always just two or three ticks under the pitch. I don’t know why that is. She gets better when she gets into the chorus, but I must admit she’s just in general not all that good. Beautiful girl. Buckets of charisma. But the voice is maybe not even good, just OK. I’m much more intrigued with why the wardrobe hos are so taken with shoulder duster earings this season or why she looks like she’s wearing little grey blocks of cement on her feet than anything she did with the song. Steven Tyler still loves her, and I do, too, but as Ms. Lopez brings up, she is consistently pitchy. Bring it, Jenny. Thank you, Randy. Under the pitch. Alright. We’re done with this one. You can roll with being off pitch and bad because it’s all about the feeling? Dismissed.

I'm tired of both of them.

SERIOUSLY!

I wonder if Isabella is still in DC? If he is, I'm going to go down there and kick his ass in the face! And I hate going to DC!

kick his ass in the face!

Okay, I adore you.

Paul/1984/I Guess That’s Why They Call It the Blues/Elton John – This kid is the same age as Naima? Huh. He looks much older. Hard living or just the beard? You make the call. He was a gorgeous kid, though. The snippet of him in rehearsals made my ears bleed. He is going to be a nasally up in his nasal nightmare. And then he starts and it’s worse than I could have even imagined. Just . . . I don’t know. I feel like I’m being punked. Is he even singing notes? This is the worst thing I’ve heard on Idol since Camille did Goodbye Yellow Brick Road on this very same show. At least he’s not forgetting the words? That’s something, right? Right? No, that’s nothing because he is sucking so much ass that it might actually have been better if he had forgotten the word and just had to hum and stop bleating or whatever it was he thought he was doing which was in no way, shape or form singing. God. I’m so glad that stopped. JLo thinks that sounded good? She’s lost her damn mind. He didn’t overcome anything. And he sounded that bad last week. That’s not the cold. That’s just bad singing. And the Paul spin, Dawg? That’s just nasty bad, I guess. And Steven Tyler, I know you never watched this show before you first walked in with your jaunty scarves and funny hats, but we knew who William Hung was, too, just by the sound of his voice. Sanjaya, too. That didn’t make them good. Distinctive is not always a good thing.

Thia/1995/Colors of the Wind/Vanessa Williams – That’s not even a real birth year. This child is a fetus. Of course she still remembers all the words to the song she wrote when she was 6. That was yesterday. And the Pocahontas song? More Disney shit? Really? She must want to go home. That’s what it is. So, so bored. I’m so bored. What does this girl have? What are other people seeing that I’m not seeing. Because honestly with this performance? I don’t think she could even get a job as a performer at one of the theme parks. The band is totally overpowering her and . . . yep, I think I just fell asleep. Nice chain mail dress? You have on too much blush? Those are the good things I can think of about this performance. I’m gonna focus on Randy’s blue tweed jacket because at least that’s entertaining. She has no deeper, Dawg, because she’s only a minute old. Steven Tyler, she doesn’t know who she is. Because she’s only a minute old. I love that JLo is now like, “You know, we thought you were really good and you could shut it down singing. But now I’m thinking we were just on that crack. Prove me wrong and bring it if you can, but I don’t know if you can.” She can’t, JLo. Y’all made a bad choice putting her in the Top 13. Just admit and let her go.

Oh, good lord, tonight's been bad so far. And there are still 9 of them.

Likewise, Amy!

I wonder if Isabella is still in DC? If he is, I'm going to go down there and kick his ass in the face! And I hate going to DC!

OOOH, I could do this with you!

It is ON, Perkins!! (When are you in DC?! Or is planning still in the works?)