Oh, I saw some sort of news thing that Mike Starr had died but I had no idea who he was.

What is Pia wearing? The sparkle dress is fine. Why a cape? That is attached at the waste? And is like a mullet wig? Why?

I wasn't in the room for that -- I just heard it. I thought her voice sounded awesome.

I'm liking the country stuff tonight a lot. Which is weird for me.

I liked the song, but was too distracted by the thing down her back.

Top Chef: The sound you hear is my heart breaking.

Mine, too.

First three AI performances? Eh, I'm not all that impressed with two of them.

The wardrobe monkeys are obviously back on that stuff. JLo. Ay, mami. The lipstick? That shade of red? Perhaps a tad too bright? And Ryan? The suit? A little too short, tight, shiny? After all, we’re not Frau Klum-Seal, are we? Let’s think about that. And Steven Tyler? No sheer, see through anything. No. Lauren A. still looks like 100 year old trailer trash. Get on that trannys.

Lauren A./Any Man of Mine/Shania Twain – I can believe that Shania is her personal Idol because she is 1700. Not the best song choice though. This girl has a great voice and Shania doesn’t and all her songs are built around the fact that Shania can’t really sing. Especially the upbeat ones. I mean, I get why Lauren A. wanted to do something fun and upbeat, but Man . . . I Feel Like a Woman would’ve been a better choice. JLo and Steven Tyler basically tell her that it was a lazy performance. And this is true. And the Dawg name drops and brings up Mutt Lange, who is a dirty cheater and it’s so awkward and he basically says what JLo and Steven Tyler said better than him a minute ago. Not the best start to the show. And she needs to quit with the Peaches and the pouty, baby faces. That shit is going to turn America right off.

Casey Abrams/With a Little Help From My Friends/Joe Cocker – Hmmm, I’m not sure I believe Joe Cocker is one of his personal Idols, but The Wonder Years story was cute. This is kind of an expected choice for him, but I do think he can turn this out. I want him to stay in tune this time, though. Damn. This kid just has a sweet, sweet tone to his voice. And he’s getting the pimp choir. He did a nice job with that. Not too shouty over the top. A few notes off key here and there, but much more controlled than his last outing. And he’s just got it. The what-it-is-ness. He’s the business, this kid. He’s the business. A rainbow of talent and a plethora of passion. Oh, Steven Tyler. Never ever change. And is that a dig from Ry Ry to Jenny? Guess there’s only room for one diva on this block.

Ashthon Jones/When You Tell Me that You Love Me/Diana Ross – Rodney Jerkins? That a big name. And this girl is not Miss Ross. And she’s off from note one. Note one. Alright, I’m over it. I revoke the what-it-is-ness. And with so many great Diana songs, this is the one they go with? This song? She’s getting closer to the pitch as she goes on but as soon as she goes for the big, power notes, she goes sharp once again. And where was the high note that was higher than she’d ever sung? And they dug Berry Gordy out of whatever he’s doing for that? It was boring and I was bored and it was not all that well sung. They are trying to make the most of their booty wildcard choice. JLo looked sooo disappointed. We are, too, JLo. We are too.

ETA: Make that not all that impressed with 3 of the first 4.

Paul McDonald/Come Pick Me Up/Ryan Adams – OK, that makes sense as an inspiration. Hmm, I think this is in the wrong key for him, no? Way too low. He is really scraping along the bottom of his lower register which is making the weird, nasally quality to his voice unpleasant rather than quirky. And the herky jerky dancing and the smile just look uncomfortable rather than endearing because it’s clear that he knows he is fucking it right up royally. Thank you, Steven Tyler for calling that fool out on not putting the song in the right key. That’s some basic, basic shit right there. And trying to cut on JLo for not knowing Ryan Adams? Bitch, please. I’m sorry JLo is not cool enough for your school. Eww. He did not come off well right there. Loved Ryan cracking on his busted dance moves. He’s so good at his job, y’all. I think he’s the best reality show host in the business bar none. Lightened up a kind of down atmosphere right quick.

TC: Fuck fuckity fuck fuck. And Mike I. wins?!?!?? Fuck that noise.

I'm in an anybody but Mike wins frame of mind. Blaise has been pissing me off to no end (especially his comments tonight about Stephanie beating him his season) but I'd still prefer him over Misogyny Mike.

I'll definitely miss Carla, but she seemed to know she was going home. And undercooked pork is a bit of a no-no.

And now for 3 I did enjoy quite a bit (at least vocally):

Pia Toscano/All By Myself/Celine Dion – Getting the Coca Cola stools of pimp-dom interview? She must’ve really gotten up there in the votes last week. Ron Fair. Damn. And this girl really wants to establish herself as a belter, no? This song is no joke. Alright, girly. Let’s see if you can bring it. Why did the tranny’s staple that sad piece of crème fabric to her back? She sounds really good here. She’s no Celine. Let’s be honest. But she has a pleasing tone. The “anymore” kind of got away from her, but that gets away from everyone who is not Celine. And she did much, much better with the last “anymore”. All around a good showing on a song that has swallowed lesser AI contestants whole. I’m impressed. Two weeks in a row she brings really solid vocals. I want her to not sing a ballad now. Oh, Steven Tyler. Don’t give away the dirty little secret that they are not doing the show live this year. (Hate that, btw. Hate. Hate. Haaaattteeee!)

James Durbin/Maybe I’m Amazed/Paul McCartney – I love this song. I loathe this kid. Huh. What a dilemma. Wallet chain = Douche. Learn it. Live it. Love it. Other than that, he sounds not terrible. I’m enjoying him more when I don’t have to look at him. And the scream works when he unleashes it strategically. That was lovely. I must give credit where it’s due. He was even less squinty this week. And the he ruins it all with the audience antics. Such a douche. But a really pretty voice. Truly, he’s a worthy successor to the Gokey throne.

Haley Reinhart/Blue/LeAnn Rhimes – Huh. Wouldn’t have pegged LeAnn Rhimes as her personal Idol. And do you really want to choose a song by a noted homewrecker as your first impression on the AI stage? And it’s such a stylized choice. I didn’t have this girl pegged country at all. She’s doing a great job with this song. It’s reigning her in a little bit and making her less of a note killer. Gorgeous dress, too. I don’t know what’s up with the shoulder duster earrings, but I can let that go if she keeps singing like that. That was absolutley gorgeous. Wow. I don’t think she’s ever sung that well. Randy’s full of shit. That wasn’t boring. It’s fine to just stand there and sing the hell out of a song provided you can deliver. And she delivered.

And now back to our regularly scheduled hating:

Jacob Lusk/I Believe I Can Fly/R. Kelly – And he also get’s the Coca Cola pimp-terview. It was cute until Ry Ry got uncomfy with the wet room. Sigh. This song choice is so expected. Cue pimp chorus in 3, 2, 1. This is about to be a festival of oversinging and gospel hand throwing up on that stage. I’m so tired of this one. The verse was beautiful. The key change into the chorus was so, so off. It sounded like ass. It got better when he was able to play off the totally predictable pimp chorus and really get into those falsetto glory notes. And of course it ends with the gospel hand. Of course it does. Just no. There’s nothing current about this kid. If this were the early 90’s and MJ were still making Space Jams, then maybe he could become a star, but who do you hear on the radio right now who’s sing music like this? Even on Urban Contemporary radio? And thank god for Randy for calling this fool out on falling completely off the melody when he attempted the key change into the chorus because that shit was foul and JLo and Steven Tyler acted like it didn’t even happen. Dammit. Do not make me agree with Randy. You know how angry that makes me.

Thia Megia/Smile/Michael Jackson – I don’t believe that MJ is really her Idol. I smell the SiNi all over this pick. And it’s a horrible pick for her. She’s been doing nothing but pageant girl songs and she really needs to stop. It’s creepy. This performance is so, so boring. I just do not get this girl at all. She’s such a cypher. Was there any excitement? Pizazz? Would anyone be motivated to pick up a phone for that? Where’s Simon with his cracks about lounge singers and cruise ships when you need him? And why is she wearing a prom dress? And the judges don’t want to bring it to this girl like it should be broughten. It was not good. And she’s so robotic. Family, is this girl on drugs? Is she just a little slow? What is it? Why is she so low energy? I hate her. No, you know what? I don’t even care enough about her to hate her. She can go home any time now.

Last batch:

I wouldn’t put it past Steven Tyler to be going through menopause and really need that fan.

Stefano Langone/Lately/Stevie Wonder – Polow Da Don. Again, I say wow. Big producers. Big names. Love this song. Five dollars this is more Jodeci than Stevie. He’s such a cute mini-person. He doesn’t have a round enough tone to carry this song off. Great decision to bring the song uptempo because now he can hide the fact that his voice is a little thin and just groove on it and on the fact that he’s really on key. Polow Da Don gave him a genius arrangement of that song. He avoided getting compared to Stevie or Jodeci who are obviously bettern singers than he is. He definitely justified his wildcard. I don’t think he has the voice to go all the way in this competition, but he certainly has enough to make the tour which would be a really good result for him.

Karen Rodriguez/I Could Fall In Love/Selena – I get and believe that she loves her, but wow, I think this is a horrible song choice for her. Way too much opportunity to take it to the pageant place. And right out the box, she is off. So so pitchy. She is searching for the right note and just not finding it at all. Is she sick? Because she was much, much better than this last week. The low notes are painful and she is just under the pitch in general. Crazy vibrato all over the place. And no. No power in the part of the song that needed power. And she had not breath support so it got all screechy. And JLo takes it to the you look beautiful place. And then basically tells her she sang like ass. Off on the low notes and off on the high notes, too. So that’s just off then? Everybody knows she’s going home tomorrow, right?

Scotty McCreery/The River/Garth Brooks – Great song choice! Oh, my word, do I love this song. And I think he will destroy it. He doesn’t even need the pimp-terview. Hmmm. He did an OK job with this song. I thought he’d actually crush it more than he did. He definitely got into more when the band dropped out, but his voice lacked a little support. He couldn’t really get up there and power it through. It was good but not great. And without a ton of producer manipulation, this is going to be the last week he can kind of rest in his comfort zone like he’s been doing. He’s going to have to do something different, so Randy’s whole don’t change it rant is ridiculous. I don’t even know what Steven Tyler said. It must’ve been stupid because it got a “Yeah, yeah, yeah” from the Dawg. And JLo is correct that he did have a little more showmanship this time.

Naima Adedapo/Umbrella/Rhianna – I do not get this as a song choice for her and ain’t no way in hell I buy that Rhianna is her musical Idol. What producer is up Rhianna’s ass? For real. Did she just sign with Interscope or something? Is Randy getting’ it in or something? Becaues they have been on her jock this season and I just . . . I’m struggling with it. Autotune Idol? Maybe. Tricky Stewart. Again, I say wow. Huge benefit to bringing in Jimmy IV. OK, the reggae break was weird. And she is just trying to do a little too much with all the dance breaks. She doesn’t have the breath control for all that just yet. I appreciate what she was going for, but she has yet to establish herself as a good enough singer for all that. The crowd booed him, but Steven Tyler was right, she had pitch problems. And JLo might want to discount that, but this is still a singing competition. You have to sing well to win. She has an adorable personality and her interveiw with Ryan was super cute. She can overstand y’all. But this was not a pimp slot worthy performance.

These folks are totally safe:

Lauren, Casey, Pia, James, Jacob, Scotty

These people are likely safe, but Ryan will fuck with them tomorrow:

Haley, Stefano Naima

These People should be in more trouble than I think they will be:

Paul, Thia

One of these people will likely be going home tomorrow:

Karen, Ashthon

Best Guess who will go:

Asththon