Ugh.

I like Twitch, but why would you not choose Russell? He is your current SYTYCD champion, right? Or why not Josh? He is your S4 SYTYCD champion, right? The same season that Twitch was on. And lost. To Joshua. This is exactly what I feared would happen.

Because I'm way too obssessed with this show and needed a reason to procrastinate on work tasks I just don't want to do, I wrote up who I'd like to see in an All Stars pools from each season going all the way back to S1 which I will now share with all of you so you, too, can procrastinate. Who would you choose for your All Stars pool?

Season One

This is the season that time (and the show) forgot, but it was actually really, really good with high quality dancing and great choreography. It was a short season, there were only 16 finalists, and I’d be glad to see almost half of them among the All Star stable.

Contemporary

Nick – Even though he turned out to be kind of a divo (and apparently kind of a dick if the scuttlebutt is to be believed) post show, this fool can dance his butt off. He is one of the greatest turners in SYTYCD history. I’d place him right behind Danny/Blake and Travis. He could do almost any genre. His disco with Kamilah is still one of the best of the entire series. He’s just good.

Blake – The bitch serves every time. And he has a little dog that will poop in your room. And he’s danced with JLo and been on her horrid MTV show about dancers’ lives. And the bitch serves. Every. Time.

Ashle – She was like the after thought in the very first final four, but she’s really, really good. I love her dancing in Mia’s final four piece for her and the original HMV, Melody. She was versatile and always a pleasure to watch.

Destini – I would want her but as a hip hop dancer, not as a contemporary dancer. Although she was always really quite lovely paired with Blake. She was the original big girl dancer, long before Donyelle burst on the scene. And she and Jamile absolutely destroyed a Shane Sparks hip hop number. I mean, the routine was ridiculous. Homegirl has a stripper split which would make Michael Steele drop serious cash.

Hip Hop

Jamile – Made it all the way to the finale and came in third which made me so mad when they tried to pretend like Twitch and Josh were the first hip hop boys ever to make it as far as they did. The show can pretend all it wants that S1 doesn’t exist and there never was such a creature as a Lauren Sanchez, but those of us who know, know. Anyway, Jamile was great.

Kamilah – Great partner. Great dancer. Sexy and saucy. She was incredibly versatile, not that it would matter in this all star format where she’d be trapped in the hip hop ghetto. I actually don’t think any of their current stable of hip hop choreographers would know what to do with her.

Ballroom

Artem – The original hot Russian, and one of Mary’s first boytoys. He was an amazing dancer. Great partner.

Season Two

Great, great season. My second favorite. It was also the season that ushered in the permanent until top 10 partnerships, which I enjoyed when it resulted in something as fabulous as Benji and Donyelle, but hated when it resulted in someone like Ivan getting saved week after week by having a fabulous partner like Allison and then outlasting her. No! It’s just wrong. And of course, this season was also the birth of the shipping. Dear god, the shipping. How I hate it! Benjelle? Really? Again, I say no. But there were some fabulous dancers.

Contemporary

Travis – Travis Frikkin’ Wall!

Donyelle – She was a chameleon. She made Benji a better dancer. She held it down for the “big” girls everywhere even though in the real, non-crazy world she’s not big at all. She’s fierce.

Allison – I don’t think there’s anything she can’t do. She’s a gorgeous dancer and it still rankles that she went home before Ivan, although that did lead to the best dance out ever with Allison and Travis Frikkin’ Wall. She’s dancing circles around Ivan in Why (which is Tasty not Mia, even though everyone always thinks it’s Mia). And of course, Ivan got all the credit for making that piece great. Feh. Allison rules.

Natalie – I loved her from the moment she got someone to fly her in a private plane to the auditions. She was so sassy. And she danced practically half the season with a bum knee and turned it out every single time. She survived Dan Karaty, y’all! That’s something.

Ben – He went out way early and he was a quirky little thing to boot (and kind of funny looking). But this kid was the truth. If you look closely at the pre-dance clips, you’ll see him assisting several of the current choreographers. He’s a beautiful dancer.

Hip Hop

Musa – He could pop a little, break a little, he was a very complete hip hop dancer. And he turned out to be a solid partner for Natalie. He could’ve easily been overpowered by her because she was so good and so dynamic, but he really held his own.

Ballroom

Benji – One of the best partners ever on the show. And whatever you feel about the personality or the mugging for the camera, he is one of the dancers who showed the most growth over the course of a season. And from the jump, too. Too Much Booty is one of the best first week routines ever.

Heidi – This smoosh faced girl really grew on me. By the time she and Travis did the bench dance, I was really loving Heidi. And again, she’s just an awesome partner. Any guy getting her as an all star for a latin ballroom routine would be getting a real prize.

Dmitri – Hot Russian 2.0. And he’s an amazing choreographer as well. Two for the price of one.

Season Three

Oh, how I love S3. More than I can even say. I’d take more than half of the dancers from that season as All Stars any day of the week. Best season ever.

Contemporary

Danny – My favorite dancer of any season. He’s gorgeous. I could watch him all day.

Neil – Yes, I would even take the Hunchback. I know! This little troll grew on me. I don’t think he had any business being in the final 4. Pasha was robbed. But you just know that Nigel is going to throw some undeserving fan favorites up in the mix and he is by far the least objectionable candidate. And who knows? Maybe he’s actually learned how to pull up by now.

Jesus – My sweet Chuy. He’s so good, y’all. Triplets of Belleville is Wade at his best, and Chuy really laid it down in that, and all of his other routines. It’s criminal that he didn’t make top 10 while folks like Kam and Dom skated through on the backs of their partners.

Ricky – Criminal that he went home week one instead of Cedric. Criminal that they ever even paired him with that giant Ashlee and then had her twirl him around in that Tango like a little doggie chew toy. I shared Mia’s outrage. He’s a lovely dancer and we never got to see all that he could really do.

Sabra – She really did have a spark. I don’t think she should’ve won, but she certainly should be an all star. So versatile. So light on her feet. Such expression in her movement. And now we won’t have to hear all about how she’s only been dancing for 2.5 seconds and isn’t it amazing? She can just come on and dance and be great.

Jaime – Her personality is incredibly annoying but watching her dance is a joy. She has great extension and exquisite body control. The Hummingbird is still one of my favorite dances.

Shauna – She had one of the best “dance for your life” moments ever. Super talented girl who had the misfortune to be paired with Cedric. I don’t wish Cedric ill, but he really was not ready for the show and Shauna paid the price. Imagine surviving Jimmy only to wind up with Cedric. Wow.

Hip Hop

Hok – Best breaker ever on the show. Just look at his work with Qwest post show. Phenomenal.

Sara – She’s not a B-girl, even though the show tried to bill her as such. I’d want her in the all star stable as a contemporary dancer. That said, she’s great. Versatile, tons of personality, a solid partner. Love this girl.

Ballroom

Pasha – My favorite of all the hot Russians! I just adore Pasha from Russia. He’s a great dancer, great choreographer. No matter what, he’s going to showcase his partner and make her look good. And he’s a cutie patootie!

Lacey – Just as polarizing as her brother, but she’s a much better dancer than he is. Lacey is no joke. And she’s a terrific partner and a capable choreographer.

Anya – Maybe the best latin dance girl ever on the show. This girl is sex. And again, another choreographer and she’ll always, always know how to make the man look like a strong lead even if she’s having to basically commandeer the floor.

Season Four

The season continues to grow on me the more distance I get from it. Lots of good dancers. Lots of memorable routines. This was back when I wasn’t completely over NappyTab. I wouldn’t mind seeing solid representation from this group in the All Stars stable.

Contemporary

Mark – Oh, my pretty boy from Hawai’i. I loved Mark so much and his quirky style. He’s hopefully had time to work on the dead fish feet. That aside, he’s one of the best performers ever on the show.

Will – Grace. Beauty. Power. Speed. Technique. One of the top dancers ever on the show. He was adept at both contemporary and hip hop. (I still marvel at how he killed that hip hop with Jessica) Will’s another one that should’ve gone much farther than he did.

Katee – She was a total surprise to me. I started out really disliking her stank attitude, but she won me over with her dancing. She’s just mesmerizing and lovely to watch. One of the few times Uncle Nigel knew better than me.

Courtney – Really solid dancer with great technique and performance quality. I would happily take her over a more technically skilled but less likeable presence like Mischa Chan any day.

Hip Hop

Josh – What can you even say? It was a joy to watch him dance each week. And has there been a better hip hop performance than Josh and Katie in No Air? The more I’ve gotten to know NappyTab’s work, the more I realize that the quality of the performers in both No Air and Bleeding Love really made those routines happen.

Twitch – I wouldn’t have picked him to make the finals because I think he really struggled outside his genre, but as a hip hop dancer, he’s one of the best to ever be on this show. Super creative and well executed solos.

Gev – Great breaker and he held it down for the tradition of Russian hotness on the show. (Or ex-Soviet Union hotness? Eastern European hotness? Something like that) He’s another one who threw down consistently great solos.

Komfort – Not that there’s an extensive field, but she’s clearly the best female hip hop dancer they’ve ever had on the show.

Ballroom

Chelsie – The feet on this girl. I die! One of those people that was just born to dance. I actually liked her better in other dance styles than in her own, but there’s no denying she’s a great partner. She probably wouldn’t be able to participate what with the whole DwtS gig, but it would be great to have her in the All Stars stable

Season Five

Even though this was the beginning of what I feel has been a downward trend on the show, there were still some really great dancers. This season actually benefits from the restriction to the dancer’s own style, as lots of these folks were incredibly strong at what they do, but struggled to master other styles of dance.

Contemporary

Brandon – Loved him from the very first time they showed his audition for S4. He has so much power (I’d like to see a little more finesse, actually, and hope that he’s developed some since last we saw him) He’s really got unlimited talent and potential. I don’t think there’s a lot he can’t do in his own genre.

Ade – He snuck up on me as I didn’t have a huge impression of him from the audition rounds. Much like Brandon, I think he can grow a lot in musicality and subtlety and that will greatly improve his dancing. But he has great attack, super solid technique and amazing energy as a dancer.

Jeanine – Gorgeous girl. I have no quibbles with her win. She’s probably the best girl turner in the bunch. Just an amazing center on this girl. Yep, she’s fun!

Kayla – Another stank face, but I’m helpless to resist those lines. She has extension for days. She creates lines when she dances that are simply exquisite to look at.

Hip Hop

Chbeeb – I’ll take him but only because as an All Star he’d be limited to hip hop and the fool is amazing at what he does.

Ballroom

Janette – Firecracker. This little girl is fierce! She’s so good. I don’t even know where to start. Her Tango with Brandon was hands down the best Tango ever laid down on that stage. She looked like a pro. She’s a great, great partner.

Broadway

Evan – Again, I’ll take him but only because he would be limited to this genre and he is great at what he does.

Ballet

Melissa – Grandma Moses is lovely. So graceful and light. And her center is ridiculous, but why wouldn’t it be. Pointe is a bitch and if you don’t have a solid center, you’re toast.

Season Six

Poor little S6. I could only come up with 5 dancers I’d put into the All Stars stable. 5 of 20. That is not a good look. It’s all about the talent, y’all.

Contemporary

Jakob – Gorgeous. Lovely and amazing. Heavenly. Just a beautifully trained, versatile dancer. Got to be in the top 5 of male contemporary dancers ever on this show.

Kathryn – She is so elegant and my goodness was she ever a great partner. She built an incredible connection with everyone she danced with and she always managed to make her partners look good. She also managed to help them raise their games because she was so excellent. The little high talker completely charmed me and made me do a total reversal on my initial impression of her.

Ellenore – Another dancer with a center from god. She is so grounded. I think she’s the best modern dancer they’ve had on the show. She screams out Graham technique. There’s nothing better than seeing her in a deep plie. Fancy!

Hip Hop

Russell – Russell makes me smile. That’s all.

Legacy – I love him. I’ve seen him since the show finished in some LXD stuff and he is crazy amazing. Some of the stuff he can do is just not possible.

AI: really liking Crystal. She's got a set of pipes on her.

I LOVE Crystal. I want to walk around on Tuesdays with a shirt that says, "Vote for Mamasox!"

She gives me chills in the best way.

Usher is the guest judge. No one ever accused him of being the world’s best singer. Great entertainer though. Take your glasses off, fool.

Ryan has some kind of a mini-mohawk working. I don’t like it.

Siobahn/Through the Fire/Chaka Kahn - What are you wearing? Chaka Khan? Uh oh. She can’t rock it like that, y’all. I’m sorry. She’s on pitch, so there’s that. She has a great voice. But this is the totally wrong song for her. You could hear her pushing and the strain in her voice. She has a big voice, but nobody has as big a voice as Chaka.

I hate the look backstage. Down with the look backstage.

Cowboy Casey/Hold On/Sam and Dave – This kid has a lot of Velveeta in him. Although I will give him props for singing a new song. Y’all, this is bad. He’s so honky tonk. He’s not even Velveeta. He’s government cheese. This kid needs to stick to being a guitarist because he’s quite good at it. Once again, he’s on pitch and that counts for a lot. And it’s the kind of performance the judges will like. Right in his box. He learns quickly. And yes, we all know that Judge #4 would like to see more from Cowboy Casey, but that doesn’t mean Ryan had to go for the cheap joke.

Big Mike/Ready for Love/india.arie – Gorgeous song. I disagree with Usher. The last thing this fool needs is to go bigger. He needs to work on pulling it in and being intimate without being all pushed up on everyone all the time. Wow. He’s doing a really good job with this song. Very understated for him. Oh my god, swaybots. How can you not sway in time to a song this slow? That was actually kind of great. His best performance to date. I agree with the Dawg. It was really good for him to pull it back. He really, really needed that. Oh, dammit, Judge #4. You’ve never heard this song before? Why is she on this show? Seriously. She knows less about music than my father, who instantly recognized the song. Turn on a radio every now and again.

Didi Benami/What Becomes of the Brokenhearted?/ - Stop crying. It’s old. Whoops. She’s going off the pitch at the end of every line. And I know that kind of hiccup in her voice is kind of her thing, but it just really does not suit this song at all. And then, did she just start screaming at me? I’m scared now. Egads, y’all, that was bad. And why is Ryan all up in the Kool-Aid and not knowing the flavor? That ain’t right.

Tim Urban/Sweet Love/Anita Baker – Oh, hell no! He sucks ass even in rehearsal. Usher had to walk away from that fool. That “baby” is killing me. Killing me. This kid can’t sing. At all. This reminds me of that scene in Dreamgirls where the white group steals James “Thunder” Early’s song Cadillac Car and turn it into a light FM, muzak monstrosity. That’s what he’s doing to Miss Anita Baker. He’s turned this into something you’d hear at the dentist’s office – and promptly beg him to turn off. Oh, hell no! At least you sang in tune? Has it really come to this, American Idol? Just sing in tune? Wow. Ellen was hilarious. Don’t sneak up on us.

Andrew Garcia/Forever/Chris Brown – Really? Can anyone hear this song and not think of it as the official white people wedding anthem? When do the rhythmless groomsmen come shuffling down the aisle? He sounds better than he's sounded since . . . Straight Up. I’m actually enjoying this. This is making me remember that half second where I really liked him. Although, honestly, this thing – this acoustic deconstruction thing – is the only thing he does. And would you buy a whole album full of songs that sounded just like that? Exactly. Still, good recovery, cholo ex-banger. Respect. When you smile, the whole world smiles with you. So close, Ellen. So close. And Simon’s right. Personality counts.

Katie/Chain of Fools/Aretha Franklin – Yeah. I refuse. I can no longer deal with her on any level.

Lee Dewyze/Treat Her Like a Lady/The Cornelius Brothers – I think he can do well with this song. And from the jump, he sounds really good. But on the real? This kid is just incredibly boring. No charisma. No star power. He’s just kind of there. Despite the judges trying to pimp him, he’s unpimpable. He’s the most milquetoast guy around.

Crystal in stilettos? I’m all about it.

Mamasox/Midnight Train to Georgia/Gladys Knight and the Pips – That’s the jam right there. I think she is going to knock it out the box. Oh, my word. This girl can flat out blow. That was amazing. Best song choice of the night, for sure. I agree that I don’t need to hear that from her every week, but I loved hearing it tonight. And she looked fabulous.

Aaron/Ain’t No Sunshine/Bill Withers – OK, Kris killed this song last season so why is he doing it now? Wobbly, wobbly on all the held notes at the end of his phrases. That gone is going to need abuse counseling. And he did exactly what Usher told him not to do on the “I knows”. And then he went flat at the end of the song. So let’s see. Why did he do this song? I gotta ask it again.

There were actually a couple of people who were quite good this week. Mamasox, as usual. But Big Mike was the best he's been since the early audition rounds. Andrew made me remember why I ever liked him in the first place. Lee sang really well while still being boring.

I think Didi is going home. I wish it were Tim.

kat, I love your thoughts on SYTYCD and pretty much nodded right along through all the posts.

Drag Race! I really liked this challenge. This week pretty much also sealed my turnaround on Tatiana and Raven. I started out liking Tati and not liking Raven, and now I've flipped on both of them. I was not as impressed with Tyra as the judges were. The makeup she did on her mother was ATROCIOUS.

Jujubee's 2nd week in the bottom two... that's not good. And we had to say goodbye to Pandora! Sadface.