Vivienna Morning Glory clutched at the windowsill until her knuckles turned white, and she wept bitter tears. How could this be happening? All her life, she had been happy and carefree, and now this trouble... What had she done to deserve such a fate? Slowly, and with the blur of tears still in her vivid neon pink eyes, she paced about her bedroom. All she could think of now was Legolas, and how the news would break his heart.

I can't remember place names (sue me, I don't much like LotR) so mine is all "Hobbit Place" and "Arwyn place" and "Walking-tree-battle place."

so mine is all "Hobbit Place" and "Arwyn place" and "Walking-tree-battle place."

I can't either, so I just made up names that sounded right. You know - Fishstickslorien. Mothrador. Wrigley Field.

I think I could get behind the nation of Mothrador. I mean, who doesn't want giant angry moths as your allies? They are like Eagles, except with woolly antennae.

I have a Middle Earth poster on my office door. Place names, no problem. Some call it cheating; I prefer "wisely decorated."

Elanor Ravenstar blushed coyly. She could feel his eyes wandering over her body, from head to foot, as he took in the sight of her laying on the grass. In truth, she was beautiful. Unusually so, some said. Her father came from the line of elves of Mordor, while her mother was born into a lordly house of dwarves in Helm's Deep. The blending of the two races came together perfectly in Elanor Ravenstar, giving her an exotic look that few males found they could resist. Large almond-shaped bright crimson eyes were framed perfectly by shimmering waves of thick blue hair that fell to her waist. A sapphire-encrusted mithril pendant hung ever from her slender white neck, accentuating the delicate frame of her collarbone.

At least my hair and eyes are my school colors!

Fishstickslorien. Heh.

I think I'd prefer Slothlorien, with all the stoner elves lounging around unable to be arsed about saving the world. And Sauron would have to live in Fourdoor, possibly in a salloon...

...and I thnk that somebody had better stop me now. Yes. Right. Stepping away from the painfully bad jokes ve-ry slowly....

The blending of the two races came together perfectly in Elanor Ravenstar

Tall, slender, and bearded?

I'd be more impressed with the argument if the argumenter didn't start out by citing her genius level IQ, et cetera, or take so many words to structure her argument against a statement that is easily discernable as outright stupid.

You do realize she was essentially parodying the style of the original kerfuffle-maker, only doing it with an actual brain, right?

You do realize she was essentially parodying the style of the original kerfuffle-maker, only doing it with an actual brain, right?

I had no way of knowing that, FWIW. I thought Jenny was just taking her whole grad student-ness a bit too seriously.

Which made me wonder WTF was up with her, but didn't trigger my "Ah, she's joking" meter.

Congrats, Am-Chau! It is nice to be noticed!

Thanks, Theodosia. It is indeed.

The Mary-Sue generator is hilarious.

Clark sighed heavily as she threw her velvet cloak to the floor. Feisty anger flashed in her blue eyes. 'Curse you father!' she muttered to herself under her breath. 'An arranged marriage! How could you do this to me... your only daughter! Have you no care for my own happiness?' She flopped over onto her soft flannel-sheeted bed and glanced around at the empty room. Tears began to flood her eyes and roll softly down her porcelain cheeks. 'I cannot marry another,' she said in a voice no louder than a whisper. 'I cannot, for my true love is Lex.'

(No prizes for guessing my current favourite fandom.)

They had met two summers ago in Gondor, when Clark had gone for a ride in the country with her mother and sisters. But when Clark had strayed off the path to follow an adorable baby cat, she had become separated from her family and hopelessly lost. Then out of nowhere a band of orcs had appeared to attack her. By some stroke of luck, she happened to have her father's superspeed hidden secretly within the folds of her skirt. But though she managed to kill eight of the foul creatures, she was soon outnumbered.

This is what I get for disobeying the instructions:

Then just as she though her life would be ended, a beautiful dream-like vision appeared before her. The deadly warrior who had come to her rescue, a handsome elf, quickly killed off the remaining forty two orcs with his x-ray vision before rushing to Clark's side.

It was love at first sight. The moment she looked into his sparkling yellow eyes, Clark knew there would never be any other for her. 'My name is Lex,' he said in a voice soft as the summer wind. Tenderly, he put a hand on her breast to make sure she was alright. 'Are you hurt, my lady?' he asked.

'No,' she replied. In truth there was a bad cut on her penis, but she didn't want to worry Lex. 'And my name is Clark.'

And later on, an totally new view of the Kents:

Her father came from the line of dwarves of The Talon, while her mother was born into a lordly house of orcs in the White Hill.

Okay, so it's not that funny. But... some of it is. The first time.