It's the worst club.

Truth.

Its not traumatic or even that upsetting to have to remind myself over and over again that she's dead but, seriously? Multiple times in the course of a meal?

The other day I saw something and immediately thought of my cousin S and how he would like it and he's been gone for over a decade.

I'm in VA. Haven't been able to see my nephew because of his school and play. But have seen my brother. I realize that we don't have a ton in common and finding things to talk about is awkward.

Manassas is cool though

It's been 8 years since my dad passed away, and I think I've reached the point where most unexpected reminders lead me on a fond journey through old memories with just a tinge of sadness.

I am going to read something I wrote at a Virtual May Day event today. Starting to get a little nervous. ETA: It's different with grandparents you don't see all the time, but there are things that make me think of them a lot.

I just realized that yesterday when -t asked me if I was doing anything for May Day, I processed her meaning as... May Day "modern-traditional style" like when my sister's class did a flag Maypole ribbon thing back in the, I'm going to say 60s. (I didn't exist yet, but my dad was movie camera dude, so I saw footage of that oddness.) Like, origins in fertility ritual, though I know it was teansmogrified into agricultural/season change celebration, still sort of odd in a decidedly not agricultural communuty in a private school outside of Wilmington, DE with a bunch of kids in uniforms. Weird. Anyway...

That is not the May Day she meant. I also conflated it a little with Cinco de Mayo, I think.

I mean, the answer is still, "No," but I might have said more if I hadn't been having a brain fart. Sorry, -t!

Mother's Day is going to suck this year. A year ago, we didn't know her cancer had started to grow again. We didn't know until mid-to-late May. I had no idea it would be our last Mother's Day.

When I got home from my (totally clean, go back in ten years) colonoscopy on Tuesday, my sense of smell was even more acute than usual for some reason (probable reason: I was high as a kite), and the lilacs in full bloom were overwhelming. All I could think was how much Mom would have loved the smell.

This club sucks.

Manassas is cool though

I once met up with an old college boyfriend for the weekend and at first we got along great and then we, two grown-ass adults, got into an absolute fucking screaming match in the middle of that battle field. This was evermore referred to as Third Manassas and we never tried dating again.

Definitely dreading Mother's Day, from both ends now.

Timelies all!

Yeah, Mothers' Day is gonna be rough for me as well. First one without her.

Meanwhile, things are gonna be rough at work. Today was the last day for my co-worker D. We're supposed to get some students, but they aren't starting until June. Another co-worker, B, is taking all of next week off. To top it off, I will be pretty much going solo on Tuesday until the late shift person arrives. Sigh...

There is a nice little gluten free bakery, Honey&I've. I did not actually have any baked goods but I bought a print from a local artist and had an awesome hot chocolate. They also had a Little Free Pantry and Little Free Library.

And we went to the comic book/vintage toy store. The employee gave M some free comic books since we won't be able to go to a free comic book. Alas none of them were the Dungeon Crawler Carl. Im hoping I'll be able to get a copy somehow.

E's play was great. I haven't seen too many school productions but the kids were really talented. Especially the girls who played the Sour Kangaroo and The Cst in thr Hat. The kid who played Horton also did a bang up job and it was his first play.

Unfortunately the band was often louder than the mic'd up kids so you sometimes couldn't hear them.

We are having my father’s funeral next weekend, and also interring my mother’s ashes. Yay, Mother’s Day? I imagine we may spend brunch with my aunts (his sisters) and cousins. Though no idea where to best get brunch in the area we’ll be in and hate to be waiting in crazy lines…but we will need to eat somewhere!