He gets something out of it, but I'm not sure what. After all this time, does he still need the ego boost of trying to come off as the wronged party in the divorce?
I have some speculations about the 'benefit' of those habits, but that is a long-long conversation.
The short form is that we learn what it means to be us in the world long before we are in relationships and that learning includes being influenced by people whose losses have nothing materially to do with us, but we STILL learn how we are supposed to process loss from them.
One example is the impact of the Depression on people of my generation and younger who weren't even remotely involved, but still have tenacious stories of deprivation and fear.
In my work, it almost doesn't matter WHY you think a thing, just the acknowledgement that you do think it. THEN you can make some choices and practice some replacement behaviors that can subvert the software glitch, so to speak.
The trick is being willing to a) let go of the fantasy that somehow proving you are right about something...or being recognized as right by others...will actually make you happy and b) replacing the negative behavior with something that actually benefits you beyond the level of entertainment.
Heh. Tep, I think you just helped me to decide what tidbit I'm going to share today in my on-going quest for votes in the Best Life Coach in DC Poll!!
Tep, I think you just helped me to decide what tidbit I'm going to share today in my on-going quest for votes in the Best Life Coach in DC Poll!!
I owe it all to my dad. [winky emoticon]
They were adults at the time? Wow.
Indeed. Grown women talking to their sister-in-law (?) about her daughter.
I'm winking right back atcha as you gracefully prove my point.
You can see it for what it is and, at least to some degree, disengage from the pattern.
So many people in this world will never be able to do that. Good on ya.
BUMMER.
I just tore out of the house looking like death, with an opened can of dog food, and ran a quarter mile in my incredibly unsupportive slippers.
I was trying to help capture a runaway Beagle one of my walkers spotted. She called and I ran.
Sadly, as I was yelling down the block to STOP RUNNING, DON'T SCREAM, people just kept storming the dog and s/he just kept running at breakneck speed.
It appears the owner entered the chase and was understandably distraught, bless her. I just hope the pooch is microchipped. They were too far away for me to catch up. I saw her about a half mile further north.
Even sadder, I think I reinjured my heel. It took a year to get past that pain and I'm pretty sure it's back.
Rats.
...so we shall see.
Ping me if it doesn't work out, meara. I have no money, but I work for myself and just finished up a major project.
Ooh. I will let you know Liese!!!
Timelies all!
Tomorrow we head off to Boston on Amtrak, for Boskone. It will be the little guy's first train ride. Given how wiggly he can be, 8 hours on a train will be interesting.
I came home early due to a fever and feeling blargh. I brought the kids with me, but Grace is not super relaxing. So I'm in bed on the laptop and about to nap.
When I went downstairs to pick up Grace, her class was walking back from social studies. There was a boy who was walking with her and holding her hand. (The kid is significantly bigger than she is) He noticed her shoe was untied, so he bent down and tied it for her. There are some seriously sweet kids out there.
