Gud, that's wonderful! It's such a relief.

meara, I hope the trip gets worked out. That's really upsetting.

My petsitter charges $15/visit, but she lives just up the hill, so she doesn't have to go far.

We require that we lay eyes on every creature at every visit, so we ask folks to close closets and cupboards to cut down on our hunting time.

It's a good thing my cats have gotten used to T.; even the shy ones will come out for petting now. Otherwise I don't know how she'd find them. They can open the cabinets. I had to put doorstops in all the doorways to keep Percy Shelley from closing himself in rooms - he doesn't understand the consequences of not being able to open the doors he so enjoys shutting.

I've noticed that my anxiety and depression are almost non-existent on days when I don't have to work. Huh. Who would've thought.

How incredibly shocking, Zen! I am amazed.

I talked to my brother today, and he did actually really hit it off with the therapist on Tuesday. I'm hoping it will help him, even if it's hard. He's finally dealing with a lot (A LOT) of ugly shit.

He told me he's having an impossible time setting boundaries with Dad, who, over THIRTY years after the divorce, relishes shit-talking about Mom whenever he gets the chance.** I shut him down HARD when he does it with me, but my brother can't get him to stop. He'll tell Dad "I need you to not talk about Mom like that," and Dad will just talk right over him and keep on shit-talking.

I told him that the next time Dad does it, there are 3 easy steps: (1) say "Dad, I need you to not talk about Mom like that"; (2) if Dad keeps doing it, say, "Dad, I asked you to not talk about Mom like that; if you keep doing it, I'm hanging up"; and (3) if he still keeps doing it, hang the fuck up with no preamble.

Dad is allowed to shit-talk Mom all he wants, but he can't do it to us.

**(He seriously needs to grow the fuck up, because in 33 years, Mom has NEVER shit-talked him. It took her until I was 25 to tell me that he used to hit her when they were married, because she wanted my brother and me to have a good relationship with Dad separate from whatever was between them. I mean, DAMN. And so part of me wants to fight dirty and tell Dad that Mom has NEVER shit-talked him, but I 100% refuse to even engage with Dad on the subject of my mother, and by telling him that Mom never shit-talks him, that would be engaging him on the subject, so I won't do it.)

-t, I know! Astonishing, what?

Yes, chocolate and croissants are available at the lovely cafe, but I decided to go to the hot tub. Unfortunately, February is pool area maintenance time, which is not unreasonable, because they have to do it sometime, and late winter makes sense. Fortunately, Winter Soldier was on the cable, so I lounged and watched pretty men angst.

If it helps to have corroboration from outside the family, Tep, you can tell your brother that warning and then hanging up also worked for my mother with long-overdue boundary-setting with her own mom. Drastic, but it worked, and her mom (who was massively problematic, but not stupid) never pushed that particular boundary again.

I am so very happy for the Kalshanes! Felicitations to you both and to your no-longer-quite-so-wee-one!

Vibing hard that something works out, meara, because good God does that sound frustrating.

ION, why does the advice nurse not call back? He called over an hour ago; I missed his call by literally one second -- he hung up after 3 rings, while I was wrestling with the phone, I called back instantly and was told he'd call back again as soon as he was free, and my still-hurting-after-5-weeks-now-with-numbness-and-tingling arm and I are still waiting.

THanks, Connie! I"m glad to know that.

Yikes, JZ! Here's hoping posting makes it happen.

I 100% refuse to even engage with Dad on the subject of my mother, and by telling him that Mom never shit-talks him, that would be engaging him on the subject, so I won't do it.

This is a gold-standard plan.

It's astonishing how long people can hang on to a defense mechanism. After all this time, the shit-talking has GOT to be about something other than the subject of the shit-talking. No point in engaging.

It was incredibly liberating when I came to the point of telling the owner of the pet care company that I did not want to hear anything another employee said about me.

It was frustrating for _her_ weirdly, but ultimately my "Your opinion of me is none of my business" (thanks Mark Twain) stance has garnered an excellent result. He doesn't talk about me at all any more.

I'm with -t, JZ! May the ~ma ring your phone!

Please let us know what happens and what you learn...asking for a friend.