I just heard from someone over the weekend that when their power was out for several days recently, so was the water, due to having a well.

Oh, she is so medicated already. In fact, that's one of her paranoias, that someone will interfere with her access to her meds! Which of course makes her more anxious and then she wants more medication...

Yeah, there's a lot of that. I just have heard stories about people finally getting the right combo and it being magic (and other stories about that never happening, so...).

For what it's worth, it must feel pretty crappy to her, too, to be that anxious and upset all the time.

Oh, my, yes. I do feel bad for her: she's clearly pretty miserable, but there's nothing I can do. The things that would make her feel better (like exercise and therapy) she wouldn't do when she was able to, and now it's too late. She's spent her life saying, "No," to things, and now it's caught up with her.

I sound unsympathetic: I kind of have to be, in order to deal with her at all. She's my mother and I do love her, but I've had to disengage from her emotionally.

I sound unsympathetic: I kind of have to be, in order to deal with her at all. She's my mother and I do love her, but I've had to disengage from her emotionally.

Oh, I get that! My grandmother was the same way, and my mom went through the same thing. It just seems like you should be able to logic someone into feeling better, when there are ways to do it, and it's really not possible, sadly.

My FiL is very similar. All the things he could be spending his time doing he just won't do, and they'd all give him some measure of contentment or a little enjoyment.

You don't sound unsympathetic Consuela, you sound like someone who is trying to deal with a very difficult situation as best they can.

It just seems like you should be able to logic someone into feeling better, when there are ways to do it, and it's really not possible, sadly.

And certainly not when they can't remember the beginning the sentence by the time you finish it! (I exagerrate, but only a little.) Unfortunately if she gets upset or angry, that helps her remember better--so she can't remember where her grand-daughter goes to college, but by god she remembers being angry at my dad for something nobody else would dream of taking offense at.

oh my gosh Glam, he's gorgeous. And super happy!

Consuela, you have enormous sympathy from me. This is totally unsolicited, but I'm going to say it anyway. If there is an opportunity to get her into assisted living, with your family members agreed, do it sooner rather than later. I waited too long. My mom would have been happier and healthier, would have enjoyed more of her last years, and our relationship would have been far easier and more loving, had I gone against her wishes and her temper and gotten her into assisted living earlier. She blossomed, and I felt such relief that she was in professional care, with medical help immediately available, that my life was infintely better, too, once I got over the guilt.

I can believe and understand she's difficult to deal with. And also that the ongoing effort to deal with her affects everyone. I wish you and your family strength.

If there is an opportunity to get her into assisted living, with your family members agreed, do it sooner rather than later. I waited too long. My mom would have been happier and healthier, would have enjoyed more of her last years, and our relationship would have been far easier and more loving, had I gone against her wishes and her temper and gotten her into assisted living earlier. She blossomed, and I felt such relief that she was in professional care, with medical help immediately available, that my life was infintely better, too, once I got over the guilt.

If only we could. But she's terrified of nursing homes, because she worked in one as an RN back in the 70s, and it wasn't one of the nice ones. She's unable to differentiate: any place that has hallways instead of yards is a nursing home to her. She is convinced that we are just waiting to lock her away in an institution where she will be shackled to the bed to rot in solitude.

We keep trying, because they would get a lot of benefit out of it (although the dog would be a problem), but I don't see how it's possible. Either she would try to walk out (and hurt herself, since she can't walk more than six feet without leaning on something), or she would have to be sedated to keep her from hysterical fits. I'm not actually kidding: there would be screaming and throwing of things--there was yelling last night just talking about how to keep her out of assisted living.

I don't see a way forward, really. At least not one that does my dad any good. He really would like to go into AL, but she won't have it.

I love internet memes.

So guess what is current now:

cop casually pepper spraying onlookers

changed link.