I think there's a continuum there, Tep. For my own case, being attracted to someone means I seek out ways to spend time with them, engage with them in some sort of friendly way, and express my affection for them. How that affection is expressed will vary widely from person to person, according to what feels comfortable for them and for me. (And occasionally, I'm not so good at reading what is comfortable and what is not. Sorry about that.)
For other people, it's more directly sexually focused. But for me, it has more to do with affection and re-assurance, the sense of being there for one another. Solidarity.
As a side note, especially when I was younger, I had tremendous difficulty projecting attraction/enthusiasm for someone without having that someone think that I wanted to 'sex them up' immediately. I think the culture definitely encourages us to think exclusively in sexual terms when it comes to crushes, attraction, etc. And I think that is quite often harmful to people of a demi- or asexual bent, as well as twisting some otherwise valuable, mutually-supportive friendships into "you can't be friends with someone you're attracted to."
Does this make any sense at all?
Karl, I get what you're saying, but I can't tell from your post if you think there's a distinction between "attracted TO" and "finds attractive." You don't *have* to find a distinction; like I said, I'm very aware that my perspective is not the prevailing one. Maybe there is no distinction for most people -- that's what I was asking.
I'm friends with plenty of people I find attractive, as in I appreciate that they're nice to look at. Both men and women. I do not want to jump into bed with them.
Usually the people I would like to jump into bed with are also people I find attractive, but it's not always about how good-looking he or she is. It's about who they are, how they make me laugh, how their minds work, etc.
Hrm. I think of 'finding attractive' as a sort of abstract thing, like looking at celebrities or other images where I don't have a lot of personal context.
And I think of 'being attracted to' as someone I'd actually like to spend time with.
So yes, I'd say there's a pretty strong distinction for me.
Hrm. I think of 'finding attractive' as a sort of abstract thing, like looking at celebrities or other images where I don't have a lot of personal context.
And I think of 'being attracted to' as someone I'd actually like to spend time with.
Interesting. There are a lot (well, okay, a handful) of people I like to spend time with -- other than Tim -- but I'm not attracted to them.
Perhaps we're just using different definitions.
I would say yes, there is a distinction. I think it's safe to say that everyone I'm friends with has something I find attractive (not limited to the purely physical), otherwise who would we be friends? There's a much shorter list of friends I'm attracted to, in the if-we-were-both-single-and-available-hell-yes sense.
I wouldn't say that the only people I want to spend time with are those I'm attracted to.
But if I'm attracted to someone, chances are I'm going to want to spend time with that someone.
A bit clearer?
I wouldn't say that the only people I want to spend time with are those I'm attracted to.
But if I'm attracted to someone, chances are I'm going to want to spend time with that someone.
A bit clearer?
I didn't misunderstand your personal defintion of attraction; I was just trying to work out if there was a difference between "attracted to" and "finds attractive." (Not just for you -- this is a general question.)
if-we-were-both-single-and-available-hell-yes
I find this hyphenated phrase wonderfully evocative and enthusiastic without being sexist or crude. I just want to marvel at it for a moment.
