after a year reporting to her, each and every one of them was a)nine times better at their job and poised to be star players and b)angry, hostile and in near revolt

Oh, dear. That's tricky. How do you save that skill and ditch the problems?

Hey Tom, that article you posted last night actually was helpful [for the cure].

Cool! [for the cure]

I hope things turn out the best they can....

In re pink - years ago I worked for an association for engineers and did their graphic design. On one piece, someone who'd taken a marketing seminar declared that red was the best color and, somehow, morphed that into pink.

The engineers hated it. Hated it so much that we got nasty comments about it for something like three years. So we never used anything approaching pink after that.

How do you save that skill and ditch the problems?

It's hard to get people to let go of the micromanaging. That's like trying to teach a dog to lay off the chicken bones. They're always gonna wanna.

Honestly, though, girls dressed as pirates have much greater societal acceptance than boys dressed as princesses.

That's definitely true, although I'm surprised at how much crap Shiloh Jolie-Pitt gets.

Except for how she wasn't - after a year reporting to her, each and every one of them was a)nine times better at their job and poised to be star players and b)angry, hostile and in near revolt.

Ooh, that makes it hard. OTOH, it means you could probably be a conditional reference for her (I mean, if you are able to stay at all friendly, and she's able to hear that you could recommend SOME parts of her work if not all, maybe depending on what she's applying for?)

hardly anyone is allowed to pick from both boxes at once

I think that's overstated. I know a lot people that do, and have done so for quite a while. I think people might be more hesitant about doing it, but the judgment you get isn't really that bad. I can wear a tie and cufflinks to work, in addition to my shorn hair and steel toed Mary Janes and get nothing more than a raised eyebrow. No negative impact to my professional or social standing.

No negative impact to my professional or social standing.

But can a guy in your office (or in a more structured corporate environment) wear a pink shirt and some lip gloss and earrings with his suit?

each and every one of them was a)nine times better at their job and poised to be star players and b)angry, hostile and in near revolt.

Ugh, Brenda. I hope things end up better than you anticipate. Our very best and brilliant employee is completely insane and has unbelievable quantities of major family drama all the time. I've mentioned her devotion to every and all conspiracy theories. She makes me crazy and we live in fear of customers detecting how insane she really is, but she is so damn smart and works nights and weekends not resting until she figures out complicated problems. It's tough.

I think that's overstated

Yeah, it is definitely easier for women. And it's easier in some places: I wouldn't get comments on the street if I dressed in male drag, but I might get them in the office, since my place of employment is fairly conservative.

But there's plenty of places in this country where it would be pretty tough to be even a little androgynous.

Case in point: [link] Michelle Bachmann's Congressional district, where teen suicides are through the roof because the schools refuse to even have a policy defending LGBT kids from bullying. Note: that's a horrifying article--don't read it if you're depressed.