Miss New York's gown is ridiculous. Arm bands, not sleeves. Miss Wisconsin's is really nice. Miss Florida's is kind of trashy though--I don't approve of the illusion netting all over with just tits covered. Oops--Miss Texas' gown is gaping in the back! Where's the tape?

OMG Miss Alabama has a HUGE shoulder bow poof thing. As big as her head. Wow.

Oh Scrappy, I'm so sorry.

Why can't I find Miss America?

(Something I have never said before for $400, Alex.)

I'm sorry, Scrappy

Why can't I find Miss America?

Probably because it's tape delayed for the West Coast? So it's already over where you are?

So far of the talents, I like the Irish dancing best, since the ballerina and the modern dancer were nothing compared to what I see on So You Think You Can Dance. There was also opera and piano playing.

OK, now someone is singing "Memory" from Cats...in Italian. WTF??? (Also her gown is terrible and is too tight at top and giving her a roll over the top of it, even though she's super skinny)

And now...more singing. Where is the flaming batons?! I want flaming batons!!

Probably because it's tape delayed for the West Coast? So it's already over where you are?

Oh... yeah. It's 1:30am. I didn't realize.

Maybe I should go to bed.

Actual Column Title in USA Today: "When Tim Tebow Loses, Does God, Too?"

Obviously. Christian churches around the country will close, as people lose their faith, because everyone knows God was on Tebow's side, and if he can't even get the Broncos to win a football game, how can we trust in him for anything??

I just bought a koláč at a Texan bakery chain run by Cambodians. Very odd mix of ethnicities there for our little hick hamlet.

I also fixed my paper shredder by rooting around in it with my big-ass hunting knife (finally good for something!) and consequently feel all manly. I think I'll go hike around the lake and maybe later, wrestle a bear.

Just to be clear, the bear's name is Jeremy.