I still feel like a complete ass that apparently my mistake first thing that morning opened up the behind-the-scenes mocking and then I was off with another school group (like watching an alien species, David Attenbourough should have been narrating!) and didn't find out until the kids had left for the weekend.
You know what? Don't beat yourself up about it. You asked for help, recognized there was a problem and want to take action to rectify the situation. That's about all we can ask in day to day living.
BTW, if she asks you that question again (about odors and showering), you might just say: "perhaps we can talk about that privately?" and at your soonest opportunity, talk to her about it.
If she is just hitting puberty, this might just be her way of wanting to talk about changes to her body and maybe her mother needs to know that she needs to have a "talk."
Happy birthday, Scrappy, the wise.
Happy birthday, Scrappy.
Well, my lips are slicked up. Off to get gas, see a movie, and buy groceries.
Happy birthday, Scrappy!
It is muggy as shit here, and I gave myself stupid blisters walking to and from dim sum. In short: maybe another shower.
ita, for your I-want-Supergloss days, I rec clear MAC Lipglass? It's the glossiest gloss in glossvile.
juliebird, you've already gotten tons of advice, most of which I would have said, so I'll just add -- as a teacher, I have pulled bullies and groups of bullies into the hall and asked them "Has anyone ever picked on you?"
Generally all hands go up, and if all don't go up, I fix the hold-outs with my "ORLY?!" eyeball and wait. If not, I ask sweetly, "Oh, you don't have experience with this? You are so lucky! Would you like to get a taste of it for a day, so you can develop some empathy? Because I'm positive I can send you home in tears within an hour?"
BEAT.
"And what kind of person would that make ME?"
Someone will usually say "mean" or "a bully." If not, I say it.
Then I go into my bully spiel: "Everyone gets annoyed by someone or something someone does. That's normal. But our jobs as people -- as the decent, awesome humans I KNOW you want to be, that I see in ALL of you -- is to work to help people. Using hurtful words can be worse than being punched in the face. Anyone agree with that? Would you rather be called names and teased for a school year, or get slapped once?"
Most kids will say "I'd rather get hit."
Solemn nod. "Yeah, because that pain goes away pretty quick and words...words stay with you forever and hurt for a long, long time. How many of you would stand in a group and watch someone be punched over and over and do nothing? How many of you would join in and kick someone in the ribs after one of your friends punched them?"
Most kids are appalled by this analogy.
Shrug. "That's what verbal bullying is. Punching, kicking, slapping and spitting on someone's face with words and actions. Its awful, it's abusive...and it's completely unacceptable."
"So. The next time you don't like someone or are annoyed by them, THINK before you act. Are you the kind of coward that punches someone in the face because you can? Or are you the kind of hero that says "This is not OK. This sucks."
Let them mull on that for a few.
Then the kicker. "I trust you. You want to be good people. But if you bully people -- and I WILL KNOW, trust me on that -- then there WILL BE CONSEQUENCES. Involving me and you and your folks. And you WILL NOT LIKE THEM."
Also, I have dealt with plenty of kids I disliked or annoyed the ever-lovin' shit out of me. That's normal and human, too. It's incredibly hard, and sometimes I have to give myself the same damn lecture. Sometimes I have to step away from the situation and give myself a little breathing room. Sometimes I have to draw myself a mental picture of the teen as a 6 year old, and use that to curtail my instincts to think "You're X years old! Grow the fuck up!"
Erin, you are my hero. I have bookmarked this post as a reminder to myself for future situations that will doubtless arise. I was going to post my own advice, but really--why bother? That was perfect.
HAPPY SCRAPPY DAY!!
Erin, that was wonderful. You are an amazing person and teacher.
Happy birthday, Scrappy!
