Happy birthday, Scrappy.

Well, my lips are slicked up. Off to get gas, see a movie, and buy groceries.

Happy birthday, Scrappy!

It is muggy as shit here, and I gave myself stupid blisters walking to and from dim sum. In short: maybe another shower.

Happy birthday, Scrappy!

ita, for your I-want-Supergloss days, I rec clear MAC Lipglass? It's the glossiest gloss in glossvile.

juliebird, you've already gotten tons of advice, most of which I would have said, so I'll just add -- as a teacher, I have pulled bullies and groups of bullies into the hall and asked them "Has anyone ever picked on you?"

Generally all hands go up, and if all don't go up, I fix the hold-outs with my "ORLY?!" eyeball and wait. If not, I ask sweetly, "Oh, you don't have experience with this? You are so lucky! Would you like to get a taste of it for a day, so you can develop some empathy? Because I'm positive I can send you home in tears within an hour?"

BEAT.

"And what kind of person would that make ME?"

Someone will usually say "mean" or "a bully." If not, I say it.

Then I go into my bully spiel: "Everyone gets annoyed by someone or something someone does. That's normal. But our jobs as people -- as the decent, awesome humans I KNOW you want to be, that I see in ALL of you -- is to work to help people. Using hurtful words can be worse than being punched in the face. Anyone agree with that? Would you rather be called names and teased for a school year, or get slapped once?"

Most kids will say "I'd rather get hit."

Solemn nod. "Yeah, because that pain goes away pretty quick and words...words stay with you forever and hurt for a long, long time. How many of you would stand in a group and watch someone be punched over and over and do nothing? How many of you would join in and kick someone in the ribs after one of your friends punched them?"

Most kids are appalled by this analogy.

Shrug. "That's what verbal bullying is. Punching, kicking, slapping and spitting on someone's face with words and actions. Its awful, it's abusive...and it's completely unacceptable."

"So. The next time you don't like someone or are annoyed by them, THINK before you act. Are you the kind of coward that punches someone in the face because you can? Or are you the kind of hero that says "This is not OK. This sucks."

Let them mull on that for a few.

Then the kicker. "I trust you. You want to be good people. But if you bully people -- and I WILL KNOW, trust me on that -- then there WILL BE CONSEQUENCES. Involving me and you and your folks. And you WILL NOT LIKE THEM."

Also, I have dealt with plenty of kids I disliked or annoyed the ever-lovin' shit out of me. That's normal and human, too. It's incredibly hard, and sometimes I have to give myself the same damn lecture. Sometimes I have to step away from the situation and give myself a little breathing room. Sometimes I have to draw myself a mental picture of the teen as a 6 year old, and use that to curtail my instincts to think "You're X years old! Grow the fuck up!"

Erin, you are my hero. I have bookmarked this post as a reminder to myself for future situations that will doubtless arise. I was going to post my own advice, but really--why bother? That was perfect.

HAPPY SCRAPPY DAY!!

Erin, that was wonderful. You are an amazing person and teacher.

Happy birthday, Scrappy!

Erin, that is brilliant.

Erin, you're marvelous.

Oh, dear. ::blushing::

Thanks, guys.

Happy birthday, Scrappy!

I've had a fairly productive day. Went to the market with my summer neighbor (they are leaving in a little under 2 weeks! Woe!) then got a pedicure, hit Target, TJ's and then Target again because I forgot something. Came home, swam (best.time.ever!) did a vacuum and swiffer of the upstairs (my cleaning schedule is all off, will do the serious cleaning next weekend) and am in the middle of doing a load of laundry. Then I'll go feed 2 cat households. And possibly run another errand.